Trot

An impatient act of an inexperienced god

[ER!S @bstract_thot]

his feet are light and nimble. he never sleeps. he says that he will never die. he dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. he never sleeps, the Johnson. he is dancing, dancing. he says that he will never die

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

Nick Drake is one of my favourite people named after a type of bird theft. Others include Russell Crowe, Rob Fowler, Peregrin Took and Jack Sparrow.

[gas station dream girl @cheygoulet]

One of the greatest letdowns is when you think you’re about to hear “Werewolves of London” but it’s actually “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock.

[Trot @cryingnixon]

@Clav0Updates RIP Connor. I loved Foxing.

[i²cjak @i2cjak]

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me.

[Trot @cryingnixon]

“Iron Oaf” to “Feo AF”?

[Yasha Levine @yashalevine]

americans drowning in firepower and still let bezos et al treat them like the little babies they are are. thats because firepower is like information—without organization and purpose it’s just entertainment and toys.

[Seth Harp @sethharpesq]

Zero Unit 03 was headed by Ahmed Wali Karzai, a highly paid CIA thug who ran the drug trade in Kandahar. The DC shooter was basically a sicario for the biggest drug cartel in history, which the CIA created, armed, and funded. What's happening is blowback from a vast heroin racket

[Ryan Moulton @moultano]

Oil is the most Lovecraftian thing that actually exists. You're telling me that there's a black ichor under the earth, made from the ancient dead, whose burning can realize all the dreams of man but only at the price of slowly returning the earth to its primordial state?

[Trot @cryingnixon]

@0x45o Friend’s kid did a sketch of me. Pretty accurate honestly

[skylar ☁︎ @skymoding]

travis kelce nodding along as taylor reads lyrics to him, trying desperately to remember if “mahogany” is the one where you only date one person at a time or the one where you don’t respect women

[Trot @cryingnixon]

@megdweeb Nooo

[Trot @cryingnixon]

🤔

[doomer @uncledoomer]

its a good thing thing there arent hundreds or even thousands of parables through history across all continents and cultures that warn against using dark sorcery to raise a simulacrum of the dead

[Trot @cryingnixon]

Imagine some shit hitting this

[Lost Temples™ @LostTemple7]

Beautiful Things from the time gone by 🧵

1. This is a Westinghouse gyro ceiling fan copper oxide finish from 1920

[Trot @cryingnixon]

@krystalball @SenatorSlotkin This is the standard for how politicians need to be held to account for their support of this genocide. Thank you!

[Will Tanner @Will_Tanner_1]

This is what Odysseus saw before killing all the guys who were hitting on his wife and trying to steal his patrimony

[Trot @cryingnixon]

I didn’t

[Trot @cryingnixon]

2023 is going to be the year I land a tre flip finally

[Trot @cryingnixon]

@pestleee Rookie mistake, cheese and war sitting right there

[Conner O'Malley @conner_omalley]

I’m 62 years old, I live in Tampa, I eat corn and beef everyday, I always have a titleist hat on, and Iran is the biggest threat to my freedom