Cydni Beer

My tweets get around but I do not. Humorist.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

Husband “I thought you were dieting?”

Me “I am”

Husband “You just ate 6 Oreos”

Me “Yes but I want to eat 12. See - Dieting”

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

A local church near by our home has a long line of cars wrapped around the building waiting to drop off food donations early on a Saturday morning. There are still good people doing good things in this world.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

I just saw a man wearing his new Kirkland Signature casual button up shirt out the store door. He had the collar popped before the receipt was checked. Ultimate Dad moves are proven to improve your mood.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

When you dress up as a clown to go to your kid’s school Halloween party but when you get there he asks why you didn’t dress up. 🤡

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

@AboveCloudLevel Thank you so much!! 🥰🥰🥰

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

It’s been incredible insight to see what our teen thinks of our communication style. 😆

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

While my son was on a backpacking trip he had a dream I died. We happened to buy a Lego set while he was away. When he walked in he thought his nightmare was real. He thought the Lego set was a gift to ease the pain. “Son your mom is dead but check out this RollerCoaster.”

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

@spencerking I’ve always felt it unfair to pick a favorite child since I have 3. So I always just pick a least favorite.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

Me: Today is going to be a great day!

7yr old: Today it’d be nice if you kept those kind of thoughts in your own head.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

My Ad algorithm went from Skin Care to Tums to Divorce Lawyers Near You so fast.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

7yo: I'm going to trust you even though I remembered the story that you stole something when you were 6.

Me: Have you ever stolen anything?

7yo: I would never! But I am ok with sneaking something in the cart then you pay for it.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

Me: Hey listen to this I think I have a funny idea for a tweet.

13yr old: Eh. That's Mid. But you have to watch this amazing video. This guy eats water with chopsticks.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

Me: Would you like an apple?

13 yr: No thanks. Actually, you know what?! Screw the doctor. I will take that apple.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

Whenever my husband is feeling stressed because he has something difficult to deal with at work I sit back in amazement thinking about how selflessly and freely I've provided him with real life practice in dealing with difficult things.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

@MkPaxson The difference will make or break our entire day.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

My 7 yo just loudly asked if I could please stop calling her the "B Word" because it hurts her feelings. The B Word ? Beautiful. She prefers the 4 letter C word. Cute.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

Me: Did you know talking to yourself may indicate a higher level of intelligence?

Me: I did know that.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

I took my daughter roller blading for the first day of spring break. She had a look of awe and wonder as we took off together then exclaimed “I can not believe it! I truly thought you’d be too old for this!”

She is a believer of the impossible now.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

@AshleaDavis The only time I want to wear heels is when someone is feeding me lobster bisque at a fine restaurant but here I am in tennis shoes eating a Costco granola bar I found at the bottom of my purse.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

“Oh no! I wore my sparkle high heel shoes! It’s not meant for this wilderness.” my 5 year old exclaimed as she trekked through the paved parking lot towards a concrete sidewalk.

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

@peterbschmidt I found this to be true. We go to an indoor skating and trampoline kids place. Every employee there is a young skater kid. Genuinely the kindest group of youth. 💛

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

My 10yo rode his new skateboard home today for the first time. He said he fell off of it in front of a group of boys who were experienced skateboarders. He felt really embarrassed until one boy kindly said “You’ll being doing tricks in no time.”

He got back up and kept going.