bastard son of Mr Bean

married with children - never growing up

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

2019 American presidential drama turning out to be a pretty good 80s movie.

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

Work was cancelled at 7am. I start at 7.

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

FYI: the real estate term “short sale” is an oxymoron.

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

Forgive me father for I have bought pre-made meatballs. 🇮🇹

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

made my wife a bookshelf when she went out of town. It’s not the greatest but I think she’ll like it:

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

Take your kids sledding. 13 slept until 10:45 this morning. #snowday

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

@PearlsFromMyrna @Morgan__Shack her majesty has spoken.

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

WWW observations - Women w red hair: 🔥🔥🔥 Men w red hair:

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

@MolotovFlicker At least they salted the JFX 🤷‍♂️🤣

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

Wife said there’s no cool way to zipper up a large full length winter coat

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

I triple dog dare you to ask your kids what WWW stands for.

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

Sit tight for my new book coming out: 7 habits of highly ineffective people

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

@Morgan__Shack Yeah I mean - bored housewife: “I wanna go on adventures again” 🤷‍♂️ .. just go 👋

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

If you wanna go on adventures agin you should leave your husband

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

@Morgan__Shack

[Morgan Shack @Morgan__Shack]

@dadintimeout

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

People with annoyingly bright vehicle headlights were picked last and gym class

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

My wife suggested Fogo de Chao for our wedding anniversary so I’ve packed a sport coat in my car. It could be any day now.

[bastard son of Mr Bean @dadintimeout]

These perfectly preserved peppermint twinkies from early December aren’t going to eat themselves.