SpunkyDame

[SpunkyDame @DameSpunky]

The best way to get over someone is to ride a few dicks
...or however that saying goes

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

Stay away from people who fuck up your vibe.

[KSHE95 @wednesday0525]

You can be my little...

- no, not you... you're fucked in the head

[No Context Brits @NoContextBrits]

Finally.

[Claire Behind The Hair @urmumsausername]

I would rather go without whatever I thought I wanted if it means I have to type out my email address using my television remote control.

[SpunkyDame @DameSpunky]

@wompwompcts @tigerfly22 Well, she's dead so I'm betting it wasn't her.

[𝙶 𝚘 𝚕 𝚍 𝚒 𝚖 𝚘 𝚌 𝚔 𝚜 @goldimocks]

[eating my feelings] oh wow feelings are delicious

[MrBanks💰 @Mrbankstips]

.

[Claire Behind The Hair @urmumsausername]

Hey you.

Good luck with whatever you need good luck with.

❤️

[Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish]

Instead of Spirit Halloween how about Spirit Valentine where spooky stuff pops out at customers like a sign that says "Valentine's Day was Yesterday".

[❤️‍🔥Sardonic Tart❤️‍🔥 @SardonicTart]

I don't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up but I'm pretty sure it wasn't this.

[NurseBrianRN @rn_murse]

me: ok, so i used the bucket and put him down there. what time’s the well baby visit?

pediatrician’s office: …

[SpunkyDame @DameSpunky]

@mikejames1974 You are never gonna believe this shit 😂

[SpunkyDame @DameSpunky]

The best way to get over someone is to ride a few dicks
...or however that saying goes

[Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @GraniteDhuine]

If I pissed you off last year, make sure to work on yourself so I don't have to do it again this year.

[Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @GraniteDhuine]

Some of you have never been snug as a bug in a rug, and it shows.

[Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks]

Hostage Negotiator: What do we have, cap?

Police Captain: It's another figgy pudding situation.

Hostage Negotiator: Again?!

[The Fishpants @thefishpants]

The secret to fishing is on the first day you find the biggest fish you can and punch it in the face

[meghan @deloisivete]

Me: *about to wrap presents*

The scissors: *about to disappear*

[Hunter the Bounty Dog @huntergraybeal]

Welcome to your 40s. You walk like Frankenstein’s monster for 10 minutes when you get out of bed.