danzorz

sometimes i circle the block just to make sure that people actually follow me. not here for hookups

[danzorz @danzorz]

I don't mean to brag, but I'm the king of delusions of grandeur.

[Al Yankovic @alyankovic]

The news is fake but the leeks are real.

[danzorz @danzorz]

Saltine?! Wtf happened @GoldfishSmiles?! Not cool bro #original4ever

[Jess Dweck @TheDweck]

Steve Bannon always looks like he's just been arrested for drunk-driving a houseboat.

[Senthil Rajasekharan @sprcmdysenthil]

This is not CAKE! @DairyQueen fight me!
https://t.co/9vAM4HF5wG

[danzorz @danzorz]

I think if I were in a struggling band, I would just record modern-ish sounding Christmas music, because Macy's would buy that shit for sure

[Arby’s Provocateur @SamGrittner]

I'm disappointed in Sarah Palin more than any other human being. She saw what Russia was doing from her backyard and chose to say nothing.

[danzorz @danzorz]

Dear Chocolate Chip Muffin, stop living a lie and finally become the cupcake you always wanted to be.

[danzorz @danzorz]

SCENE: Hipster coffee shop.
Barista: Here's your perfect latte.
Me, outside one minute later: Oh, he was being ironic.

[danzorz @danzorz]

.@Instagram CEO: How do people like to view their feed?
Panel of experts: Chronologically
CEO: Great! We'll do the exact opposite!
#fail

[danzorz @danzorz]

Dear @instagram, your new update is the suck. Please return to chronological order. Sincerely, everyone. #instagramupdate #fail

[danzorz @danzorz]

@TomChillstrom asks the man from SLP

[danzorz @danzorz]

I never meant to cause you any sorrow...#prince #firstave #letsgocrazy #transmission… https://t.co/mbX7la0Pmr

[danzorz @danzorz]

LIVE on #Periscope https://t.co/EfUvW4LNeY

[danzorz @danzorz]

LIVE on #Periscope: let's go crazy https://t.co/502tqsjefe

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

I don't think people realize how synonymous Prince was with MN. It was like Bruce with Jersey. Kurt with Seattle. He was our champion. #MN

[danzorz @danzorz]

@JakeRudh thanks for the Prince related tunes. I'm listening in Melbourne and it's been helpful

[Xander Allan @crimsonxander]

Being ginger is like playing video games with the curtain open, technically the difficulty is the same but the suns glare can be problematic

[danzorz @danzorz]

I just typed the word "dick" but my phone autocorrected it to "fuck". Guys, I think we've finally jumped the shark.