Dat drunk girl

ahh tweet tweet motherfucker 🇨🇦

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

He drunkingly takes pictures of where he puts things so he can find them in the morning. I asked how I could take a picture of my dignity.

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

https://t.co/CkHKxy1pJb

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

@CameronPaton Also that

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

I’m unemployed, of course I wax my own butthole.

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

I think I’m allergic to myself

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

Murphy’s Law states if you wax all your lady parts you will not get laid. But when you’re a woolly mammoth, suddenly everyone wants you.

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

Turns out I relied heavily on bouncers carding me to tell me when my drivers licence was expired

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

I can’t afford oysters so sometimes I just cough up shit and swallow that instead.

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

@sarah_arroliga Okay this is good to know. Wouldn’t wanna try and get thrown in there for nothing!

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

Wait so are tattoos free in prison?

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

I think maturity is lollipop remix coming on and not rapping every line even tho I know all the words

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

no one:

tall girls posing with their short boyfriends:

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

I thought I had allergies but turns out it was a long upper lip hair that had curled up and was tickling my nose.

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

I feel like if you told me the term “socially distanced” 3 years ago, I wouldn’t know what the fuck that meant

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

You call your parents because you think it’s free therapy. But oh no, you’ll pay for it.

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

@JacksInkyArm It’s what we’re all here for 😂

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

Anal is kinda like mayonnaise. If you think too much about it you’re gonna hate it.

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

I literally never leave my home, my phone should not constantly be at 4%

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

To me the plot of Mrs. Doubtfire never seemed believable. Like what dad wants to spend that much time with their kids?

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

Thanks to Facebook photos making us unemployable in 2015, we all know each others middle names.

[Dat drunk girl @datdrunkgirl]

“We ran in the same circles” is code for we made out once at a high school party