de ro

diary of getting worse, getting better and getting worse. didn't want to subject my normal mutuals to this. unwell but hopeful

[de ro @deronorth]

he/him, 27 yo.

looking for people (18+) to share the sad parts of our lives with each other.

always been really struggling mentally, a lot of it i have gotten under control with time, a lot of it i didn't. living with nаrcolepsy, ed, sh and a million other things. bpd haver.

[de ro @deronorth]

i hate it when i ruin my own sleep. a good sleep schedule is crucial to me, so when i fuck it up i feel so, so guilty. i can't stand this guilt. i will do everything to try to get rid of it, to atone for being a fuck up. i can't stand this crawling feeling

[de ro @deronorth]

i find the "don't let your trauma define you" discourse funny. my alcoholic mother thought that having a child would help her stop drinking, and that's the reason i was born. my whole existence from the very beginning is defined by trauma

[de ro @deronorth]

but i'm just a body that simply hurts
an awkward body that simply hurts
i wish i became a cigarette, scatter with ash on the wind
or just a little ray of light - and shine
but fuck i don't have it in me to believe it

[de ro @deronorth]

@sheeplvr444 no one who goes "no you don't" plus willingly misunderstands the point is arguing in good faith or deserves you wasting your time on a proper response for them. they don't care for it anyway, they'll just make up something else to be annoying about

[de ro @deronorth]

i don't have to worry about someone worrying too much or finding my behavior "concerning". i can be honest and it doesn't ruin anyone's day. it's freeing. people get it.
hm. ironically, maybe this place isn't as depressing as i imagined.

[de ro @deronorth]

yk. on normal people twitter, every time i shared something shitty about my life, people got upset for me. but i didn't want them to be upset, it weighs on me when others worry, so eventually i stopped.
here, because everyone's fucked in the head, sharing sad things feels fine.

[de ro @deronorth]

for last two months i really struggled to do the most basic of things, you know, the classic, cleaning-eating-getting out of the house stuff. how the fuck am i supposed to organize any of this when shit like showering already takes all of the little energy i have?
just at a loss

[de ro @deronorth]

currently in the proccess of renovation and choosing new furniture but i'm at my worst depression-wise and everything feels like pulling teeth i honestly hate hate hate this + because of issues with new meds i have the worst apathy ever and i don't want to do anything at all.

[de ro @deronorth]

it's just. genuinely so impossibly hard to do anything besides sleep, the need to do actual life shit feels like such an impossible weight on me. the only reason i'm doing it at all is because i have a close person helping, without them i would probably just rot.

[de ro @deronorth]

this eating shit is actually really easy if you don't think in the proccess or after or in between

[de ro @deronorth]

@ivebeend0wn i'd say that's relatively tall

[de ro @deronorth]

whoever invented potato chips is not my friend

[de ro @deronorth]

unfortunately woke up the same person i went to sleep as

[de ro @deronorth]

@sylphiesjournal can't stop thinking about them since i saw this tweet... are you playing classic forever when it comes out? 👀 or are you more of the recent versions player?

[de ro @deronorth]

to be honest, i don't even mind taking care of it, i just don't wanna spend money on it.
also in the first couple weeks i thought it's not gonna heal at all without some special treatment, so there was this fear of going to the doctor and explaining myself, which i hate.

[de ro @deronorth]

i assumed that after the last burn happened to be 3rd degree by accident and took almost two months of daily bandages to heal it would really make me not wanna do this anymore. unfortunately i have extremely short memory.

[de ro @deronorth]

it really is so stupid. it was so annoying and uncomfortable, and i never in my life took so much care of any wound, especially a sh one. it just would not heal because it's so deep and i was waiting for it to finally happen. and now i'm like "was it really that bad?"

[abi-grace🍄 @addictedhunger]

need more moots so please interact with this if you are 18+ and active on edtwt 🌙✨️

picture of a box of puppies as a treat (i work in vet med)

[𝘮𝘢𝘶𝘴˚˖𓍢ִ໋🐁˚ @dietvampy]

is there a edrtwt nursing home?
i need more 25+ moots to yap with

[de ro @deronorth]

@dietvampy amazing tweet, went through the replies and found a bunch of people my age to follow 🥸