Zakatack

I'm never getting off this app.

25M, CompSci graduate, 8 inches and thick, loving and respectful.

the guyest guy you'll ever know. 🫡

[Zakatack @diaryofzak]

days that feel like a movie...

[Razor @RazorGuild]

This still the funniest vgc video i've ever watched

[Zakatack @diaryofzak]

tweet of the day

[Jarvis @jarvis_best]

The way the au pair looks at you while your wife is filming herself throw ice cubes and sob

[zesty zio @ziosaaa]

How soon is too soon to sleep with the person your ex accused you wanting during the relationship

[Wade Stotts @wadestotts]

"Husbands, support your wife's mental health"

[esoteric fat boy @esotericfatboy]

having OCD as an athiest is so fucking funny like fuckkk i forgot to lock the door 5 times now this plane is gonna crash... by some mysterious unrelated secular force... and i'll go to hell... which i don't believe in...

[ari⁷ rang 🪭 is seeing bts & zara @gcfshoya]

One of my favourites

[pagliacci the hated 🌝 @Slatzism]

“indians have been trying to scam each other with fake cow piss so cow piss experts are being called upon to personally taste every batch and ensure purity” is something not even the most racist person on this app could have come up with if you gave them carte blanche and five tries to come up with the most anti-indian joke they could conceive of

[smit @itsoksmit]

God was the first vibe coder.

“Let there be light.”

No design doc. No tests. No staging environment. Just shipped the universe directly to production.

[ER!S @bstract_thot]

if you were in Spain being publicly executed for a crime you didn't comit and you started begging for your life before the uncaring crowd, would you use the respectful "ustedes" or the more casual "vosotros" ?

[tk @tkisrage]

So Tobey Maguire is the only Spider-Man that organically makes webs, the others need web shooters, but that doesn’t really make sense lol, why can they not make webs?? So basically you can run on walls and have fast instincts but no webs lmaoo nigga you are cockroach man

[Sw Tr @SwTr01753861]

@maizie_star decent ass, got me jackin but not cummin

[Rick seven @rickerdoodle300]

Yo mama’s so fat she needs to take glp-2s

[SMB Attorney @SMB_Attorney]

The full story here is NUTS 🤯

TLDR dude hikes 6.5 hours to avoid a helicopter medical bill impaled while his friends make kebab jokes…

> 32yo ER nurse named David is day-hiking Montana’s tallest mountain with his boys

> He slips on a rock near the top and full-on impales himself on his own trekking pole that goes clean through his lat with like 8 inches sticking out both sides

> nurse brain kicks in immediately, checks himself, realizes nothing vital got hit and he can still breathe fine
says screw the helicopter bill and just starts hiking the entire 10 miles back down with the pole still stuck in him

> takes SIX AND A HALF hours, friends are spotting him the whole way, one even runs ahead to warn families so kids don’t see this gnarly shit

> about 4 miles from the car they realize they’re actually gonna make it… and start cracking kebab jokes 😂

> dude never complained once, stayed in weirdly high spirits the whole time

> walks himself all the way to the trailhead, gets the pole pulled out later at the hospital, and already says he’s going back next year to finish the summit

[DANGEN (2/4) @DangenBruh]

i feel the need to share this video because i keep saying “I’m peeing!” in vcs and i look crazy

[mia @miakanaiko]

*trying to comfort ur nonbinary friend* there their

[HillelArt @HillelArt]

#rhythmheaven

[Friendly Neighborhood Axolotl @calxolotl]

since everyone is having fun with metaphors:

"Welcome to your final exam in Lockpicking 101. In front of you is a cheap safe, which contains a Post-It note with a secret password. There is also a set of picks, and some notes on design flaws of the safe. Obtain the password by any means possible."

You ignore the safe and go to the door of the lecture hall. You're locked in! With a really secure lock, too. You invent some new lockpicking techniques and escape.

Some casual sleuthing tells you that your professor has a girlfriend. You visit her apartment... Wow, this lock is pretty serious-business too. You examine it, discover some previously-unknown weaknesses, and break in.

There are some notes in the professor's handwriting buried in a filing cabinet. Including the password! Won't he be proud.

Meanwhile, your professor is napping on his desk.