Sharon K.

Absurdity is humor's gasping last breath.
Organizer. Drinker. News Editor @NewYorkSun

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@Kristinawong True story

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@JordanUhl This looks like a sound check.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@LarryOConnor Still such a beautiful song.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

Pro players probably relieved after being swarmed.

[Buzz Patterson @BuzzPatterson]

This is adorable. The Japanese National Team vs. 100 School children. 🤣❤️🇺🇸🇯🇵

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@TwirlClub @Badhombre And Mamdani will sink Lander first chance.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

No argument here. It's water rodeo.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

The Coast Guard hopping on a runaway boat is the most badass thing you’ll see today 🇺🇸

[David Keyes @DavidMKeyes]

How about we give $300 billion to Iran's opposition to overthrow the regime

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@japan_nobunaga True story. Unless you got Hatzalah in your 'hood.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@japan_nobunaga They're not called Virginia and West Virginia for nothing.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

"It is NOT fine. Fifteen is not a suggestion. Fifteen is a VOW." Also, it's 12 at my shogunate.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

Beneath a lantern declaring "Express Lane," I observed a sacred instruction, written in bold characters: FIFTEEN ITEMS OR LESS.

I had sixteen items.

I want to describe what that moment does to a man of honor. The lane: open. The cashier: waiting. And in my cart, one onion too many. A single onion, standing between me and the law.

I returned it. I walked that onion back across the entire store to its bin and set it down among its people. A woman watched me do this.

"They don't actually count," she said.

THEY DON'T ACTUALLY COUNT.

She said it kindly, the way one tells a foreigner a harmless truth. It is not harmless. Listen to what she revealed: the express lane has NO GUARD. No gate. No count. Just a number on a sign and the silent agreement of three hundred million people.

In Japan, the rule would be enforced. Here the rule is simply... trusted. Which makes it heavier, not lighter. A law with no guard is guarded by everyone.

And then, as I stood in my onion-less righteousness, a man entered the express lane with, I counted twice, NINETEEN items.

Nothing happened. The cashier scanned all nineteen. The earth did not open. I looked around for justice and found a teenager bagging bread.

The cashier saw my face. "It's fine, hon. It's slow today."

It is NOT fine. Fifteen is not a suggestion. Fifteen is a VOW. That man walked into the sunshine unpunished, nineteen items in six bags, free as a goose.

I said nothing. A samurai does not ask the lane to be just. He polices his own cart, and his own soul.

So hear my law, America, and use it freely: I now shop with FOURTEEN items. Exactly fourteen. One under the limit.

A buffer. Against miscounts. Against temptation. Against nineteen-item men.

The express lane is the fastest moral test in your country, and I will keep passing it with room to spare.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@james_xond Worked at my dad's office in the summer I was 13; 14 as a drug store cashier when it was legal.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@tetsuoai "You didn't build that."

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@NiallHarbison Sweet Sienna. Unrecognizable. Way to go, girl!

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@Milajoy I will protest outside her building if they dare! She's a national treasure.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@CAgovernor @realDonaldTrump This did not need to be written.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@UFConParamount @paramountplus Props to the handler who has to keep that giant eagle in check. That one's a big boy.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@ClayTravis All credit to @TheCarolineMc !

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@zx_wxr Are you botting me? Win in four games out of the seven-game series. A sweep.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

@ProfMJCleveland Lincoln Lawyer.

[Sharon K. @digisharon]

No idea where this came from but this is my kid.

[O’Shea Jackson Jr @OsheaJacksonJr]

I saw it. Now you have to see it. His name is Samuel. And he…is a king.