Andy Smith

I have an honorary degree in theoretical math from a fictional university.

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

Somebody bottle up this attitude and hose it all over Jeffries and Schumer like champagne at NASCAR.

[Democrats @TheDemocrats]

@StephenM shut up you ugly fuck

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

The party of rapists, pedophiles, wifebeaters, and drunken dudebros wants to talk to y'all about pregnancy. What bonnet goes with a 6-6-6 birthmark on your skull? Does the tail go over the diaper or down one of the legs? I encourage you to read about the feminism of the 3rd Reich

[Katie Miller @KatieMiller]

In honor of Mother’s Day, a reminder that peak feminism is having babies.

The most radical thing a woman can do is embrace her biological destiny.

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

Let's call the #GOPShutdown the #EpsteinShutdown

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@AMCHelps I am trying to add a Stubs reservation. The system says I already have a reservation for the same showing and won't book it. What do I do?

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@VinceMancini @KrangTNelson rotisserie on wheels

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@KrangTNelson @MikeDrucker Those Republicans were concerned their actions in office might turn some constituents against them.

When you’re running the Racist Party against the Sex Dungeon Satanlizard Party, you don’t have to share those concerns.

[Elizabeth Warren @SenWarren]

Watch my full speech here: https://t.co/ZV0jS05L0o

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@realspitfire MAGAdumbfuckworld

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@BillKristol @patrick1386 They want another pandemic. The first one was very good for them. A lot of people went out of business and a lot of property was acquired for peanuts.

[Anonymous @YourAnonCentral]

FYI it is rumoured @JesseBWatters had an affair with @MikeJohnson

It’s making a buzz in DC circles. They are free to do as they please as consenting adults but it further points to the hypocrisy of the GOP and growing intimate intertwining with DC and Fox.

[Covie @covie_93]

Shout out to Jeffrey Goldberg for reporting on this now instead of waiting two years to put it in a book.

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@Acyn @TinaMarie88888 He fired them for poor performance so they wouldn’t be able to apply for unemployment

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@KrangTNelson The Italian Fascists included the word “fascist” when they named their organization and the Nazi Party was not going to make the same mistake.

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@MattZeitlin @chrislhayes The plan is to make America the enemy of every country in the world.

1930s Germany. Coming to a theater near you.

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@Jason @USPS People who need USPS are rural seniors who have no other way to receive their medications.

They voted for you so they deserve everything that’s coming to them. No Medicaid, no medications. Bye, Felicia.

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@KrangTNelson He flattered her because he wanted to fuck her. It’s not complicated.

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@pattonoswalt Alice is not the most famous child in Hollywood, but she is the most famous child in standup.

[George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace]

Tryin' to imagine makin' a billion dollars scribblin' about baby wizards and whatnot, then sittin' in my castle, rage-tweetin' at trans people all day. Guuurl you won at life. It's cool to just sign out and take everyone your ass has ever known to Wingstop.

[MoonPie @MoonPie]

Effective immediately

[Andy Smith @doitinprivate]

@LauraLoomer Elizabeth Warren would dogwalk you