DominantDad

dadism

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

You meet the nicest people inside panel vans once the drugs wear off.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

[Phone]

Kid: Hi?

Caller: Is your dad home?

K: He's in the bathroom.

C: Is your mom there?

K: Yeah, she's in there too, it's her B-Day.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

You meet the nicest people inside panel vans once the drugs wear off.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

Can I get a vanilla cone dipped in regret.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

[Phone]

Kid: Hi?

Caller: Is your dad home?

K: He's in the bathroom.

C: Is your mom there?

K: Yeah, she's in there too, it's her B-Day.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

Her: So I was at Walmart...

Him: Whoa! Warn me next time you start a horror story.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

That's the best tweet you ever twat.

Hands down, fingers in.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

Yep... It turned...

*licks fingers

Delicious. https://t.co/TkOze68X97

[mommyneedsadrink @momneedsdrinks]

I spent some alone time with a cucumber and I think I turned it into a pickle.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

My living will states if I become allergic to chocolate, my family can pull the plug.

[mommyneedsadrink @momneedsdrinks]

Follow these funny accounts #FF

@DominantDad
@R_A_Dadass
@mommy_cusses
@2questionable
@PetrickSara
@BatBatshitcrazy
@jergarl

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

Let me slap your pirates treasure.

~booty sext

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

Excuse me, do you know where I can find the internet?

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

I love the way you tongue fuck that ice cream cone.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

Can I get a vanilla cone dipped in regret.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

WHO USED ALL THE SUGAR!!!

*throws coffee pot at CW

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

Sorry your baby smells like weed.

- Me as a babysitter

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

I deleted your messages before I read them.

-me being passive aggressive

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

[Peanut allergy]

Her: See if this will make it bigger.

*throws peanut butter on his dick

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

When I die it will most likely be due to a motorboating incident.

[DominantDad @DominantDad]

*screaming and crying children

Her: Can you see what's going on!?

Him:

*hides in the bathroom