DigDug

I'm not dead, just on hiatus

[DigDug @Dorkusmcgee]

Ladies, ask yourself this

would letting spiderman finger bang you be a good idea

[DigDug @Dorkusmcgee]

@Simply_AlexaV @Rob_Firm @tangledteatime @DianeP89 @zinni426 @anerdonfire2 @SexytotheNorth @BGH70 @pbear79 @prufrockluvsong @underrateDad well that was awesome of you

[z @therichards5]

*Seductively peels
brightly colored
Easter egg at lunch table

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

If my wife ever told me she didn’t care about my opinion I’d be like wow I’m allowed to have an opinion.

[Lady & Gent @LandGContest]

🏆Contest🏆

Theme: Positive tweets about fictional villains (no politicians please)!

NEW ONLY 3max

Ends 4/17 9pm EST

[SplendidlyCynical @splendidcynic]

Hell yes, have that 7th Kit Kat today, it's Easter ffs.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

I know nothing about Canadian geese but if they're anything like Canadian bacon then they're probably not really geese.

[Dan O'Brien @OtherDanOBrien]

Comma placement can really change a sentence:

I like kissing, dudes.

vs

I,,,l,i,,k,,,,e,,,k,i,,,,s,s,,,i,n,,,g,,,,,,d,u,,,,d,,,e,,,,s,,,

[Sarge The Destroyer 🦝 @BastardProphet]

My family made me put on pants and now I look like some kind of fucking lawyer or something. Jesus didn't wear ties, mom.

[Vicalicious @thevickster_sa]

I like role playing. I play dead and he plays with himself

[Daz? @HomeProbably]

Beer would be better if you didn't have to spend the whole night pissing.

[whis_pea @whis_pea]

Twitter has taught me that I can write things that are piercingly accurate and resonant to between 3 and 5 people.

[Twin Dad @TwinSurvivalist]

Thief one: Whatcha doing over there?

Jesus: Just hanging out...

Thief two: Jesus, I love this guy.

[Vicalicious @thevickster_sa]

Whom ever called it easter, seriously nailed it.

[DigDug @Dorkusmcgee]

@realFeverFlave Thanks

[Chincha @chincha33]

I see you buying followers again... I see you.

[Chincha @chincha33]

If there was a narrator for my life, it would be either Ben Stein or Eyeore.

[Chincha @chincha33]

Is asking the question "why do we tweet?" as ridiculous/rhetorical as asking "what IS normal anyway?"