Dorian Lanni

I just have a lot of feelings.

[Dorian Lanni @dorlll]

Cant physically breathe after reading my mothers list of songs she wants on her iPod. #turndownthewhat

[🙄 @pastaxprince]

I pray every single night for this to happen to me. It’s hard seeing someone live your dream.

[stace 🐞 @staystaystace]

fork found in kitchen

[Sam G @ItsSamG]

It’s my dad’s time to shine

[ale @katewsmiles]

Correction: Richard Webber has been trying to retire for 21 years

[Tired Peasant @HorrorGorl]

Let me be very clear. If bringing down the largest child sex trafficking ring in history will “collapse the world as we know it” then the world as we know it needs to collapse.

[Ben Fowlkes @benfowlkesMMA]

The chief law enforcement officer of the US government shouting indignantly about how she shouldn’t have to answer questions about a massive human trafficking scandal as long as the stock market is doing well is crazy. But it does explain how we got here as a society.

[Melanie D'Arrigo @DarrigoMelanie]

Teachers will still only be allowed to write-off up to $300 for their classroom supplies, while CEOs will still be allowed to write-off the entire cost of their private jets and yachts.

This is what it looks like when our tax laws are written by rich people, to benefit rich people.

[Papa Woof und Krampus und Bleaken @woofknight]

I hate when healthy me goes grocery shopping but then nighttime raccoon me gets mad because there are no snacks.

[Denims @DenimsTV]

Evergreen headline

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

Very normal to announce to the world that a medicine is dangerous and then spend the next few months asking your team to find literally any proof that it’s true

[Hayden @the_transit_guy]

50th ranked in education, btw.

[Maggie Lovitt @maggieofthetown]

What do you expect US to do? YOU do something.

[🐊⚜️THE LADY™️⚜️🐊 @GeauxSeeTheLady]

THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A 2028 OLYMPICS YOU STUPID SLUT

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

Our democracy is not self-executing. It depends on us all as citizens, regardless of our political affiliations, to stand up and fight for the core values that have made this country the envy of the world.

[Barry Malone @malonebarry]

Man, when The Onion hits, it HITS.

[Miles Taylor @MilesTaylorUSA]

A few years ago, @jonstewart said:

“Comedy doesn’t change the world, but it’s a bellwether. When a society feels under threat, comedians are who gets sent away first.”

He was right.

[Brian Coulter @PhilaBCoulter]

Those teams were the Bengals, Lions, Ravens, and Colts.

They went 4-0 today.

[Bootleg Liquor on a Sunday Night 🥃 @Mike_Modulator]

As somebody who mocked those dead children from Sandy Hook you should probably shut the fuck up