Pillsbury Doughboy

The ascension has begun

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

Coward

[John Stamos @JohnStamos]

I am broken. I am gutted.  I am in complete and utter shock.  I will never ever have another friend like him.  I love you so much Bobby.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

Personally I can say I’m at 80%.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

You lack girlboss energy Sauske.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

But what happened to Baja Fresh?

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

Sometimes I feel like I have been shot in the head for 40 years.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

When I think of imperialism I think of the United States Coast Guard.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

My legionaries rely on a diet of hard boiled eggs and elk meat.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

Uwu :3 *Nuzzles your stab wound*

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

I wish I could milk myself and sell it to Whole Foods.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

I burned down a 7/11 once for monthly stickers

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

Tilda Swinton looks like her clit is made of tinsel

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

Mayonnaise is ecstasy

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

I eat chili until somebody stops me.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

My water just broke.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

I challenge Mitch McConnell to an Agni Kai.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

@KeblerE You do be fast, but not as fast as my hounds.

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

I’m taking you to court @KeblerE

[Pillsbury Doughboy @doughiestboi]

@KeblerE Tax exempt status has made you weak. Had it been for the laws of my land I would of slaughtered you already.