Drunk CIA

We are the Nation's first line of defense. We accomplish what others cannot accomplish and go where others cannot go.

But sometimes we need me time, you know?

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

@chrissyteigen Uhhh there is nothing to see here. Go about your business.

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

Man I had a little too much fun at the airport lounge and got on the wrong flight. Almost ended up in Tokyo, where I’m banned ... saw @chrissyteigen on the flight though!

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

Sending a bunch of oil paintings of Trump heroically slaying ISIS members with a sword will also get you a mention in the PDB. #artschool https://t.co/0qAWvmddQS

[Dustin Volz @dnvolz]

Trump national security aides put his name in their briefing docs as much as possible so he will keep reading them https://t.co/TTZfbKsy67

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

Even I'VE never been out of it enough to do something this abhorrent. And that includes those Czech triplets. #springbreak2016 https://t.co/vyjql9UZym

[The New York Times @nytimes]

Trump gave classified information on ISIS to Russia in an Oval Office meeting, breaking with an ally, officials said https://t.co/lJFSmLdNaQ

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

@Drunk_FBI I was only under the table so I could see up your skirt. #viewfromthebottom

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

My downtime back in the states just got less lonely now that @Drunk_FBI and his buddies are back to drinking heavily.

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

The FBI should've been spending more time investigating Russia's ties to Brady's missing jerseys than to the election #goat #comeyisahater"

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

The last time I forgot an Oxford comma we searched for the wrong type of WMDs for months... #grammar https://t.co/svEJu3wRwP

[The New York Times @nytimes]

This class-action lawsuit hinged entirely on the dreaded — or totally necessary — Oxford comma https://t.co/TWsK7o1bpP

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

I morally oppose a day designed for drinking and making an ass of yourself because it implies I can't do that every day. #StPatricksDay

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

Ah, so time for my annual mandated visit to HR #springbreak https://t.co/fT1Elvckq5

[CIA @CIA]

College Freshmen!
There's still time to apply for our summer 2018/19 DO #internship!
Applications close Wed (3/15).
https://t.co/XAfadLY1wo

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

I warned them not to replace the ketchup packets with a dispenser. Some of the people here really seemed to care about that... #officerevolt https://t.co/hxsrUzST4U

[The New York Times @nytimes]

Investigators say the recent CIA leak was the work not of a hostile foreign power but of a disaffected insider https://t.co/XpSPTnrlBD

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

Happy #InternationalWomensDay! Biggest regret is not going "the full #Deadpool" for Cindi. #iwontforgetyou

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

About half of them are just 'ggggggggggg' for hundreds of pages from that time I fell asleep on my keyboard #oops https://t.co/znOOXqA04w

[The New York Times @nytimes]

WikiLeaks released what appeared to be CIA documents about programs used to hack into phones, computers and TVs https://t.co/uQ73DIX6VH

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

In fairness to AG Sessions, it's hard to remember what you talk about with Russian contacts #vodkalookslikewater

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

Didn't include 'how to bargain with a hooker' because I already know that in every language #loveneedsnolanguage #thenwhydoimisscindisvoice https://t.co/Wniedq3l7e

[CIA @CIA]

ICYMI: CIA #Museum Artifact of the Week: Pointy-Talky Language Chart
English-Dari (spoken in northern Afghanistan)
https://t.co/wMmvX3qTUf

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

"Les bleus" referred to my balls. #TheMoreYouKnow

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

I ordered this mission to spend time around Carla Bruni. Ended up tailing Hollande. 😑 #stillhotterthancindi https://t.co/PHpmbYWeR6

[WikiLeaks @wikileaks]

RELEASE: CIA espionage orders for the last French presidential election
https://t.co/ARd8alUjMS #CIAFrance

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

I was on the shortlist for this but apparently the Chinese ambassador didn't like my drawing of a "grass mud horse" #respectformoms https://t.co/DfowWdYXqU

[CIA @CIA]

This week we will provide a glimpse into the lives of three CIA officers who frequently use foreign language skills in their jobs.

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

At least it's not being given out like #Cindi or else we'd have a repeat of our 2nd annniversary... #walloftequilashots https://t.co/sATbRxbgOU

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

The real scandal here is that classified information is illegally given out by "intelligence" like candy. Very un-American!

[Drunk CIA @drunkCIA]

They talk about our failures, but never our successes - like the lady I scored with last night. #hotterthancindi #NoRagrets