duat mai

Comedian

[The Setup @TheSetupComedy]

The Setup on 9/3 tix: https://t.co/ZWiRpp1LV1
@sfgate @SFBACN @CourtingComedy @sfstation @FunCheapSF @KQEDarts

[Noam Chomsky Quotes (Year 534) @chomsky_quotes]

Starting with kindergarten and first grade, the main requirement is that you do what you’re told.

[Keith Dirty Ba$tard @RealKeithDirty]

Walking around a parking lot to digest food and some guy just asked me if I know where the methadone clinic is. Gotta change my look.

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

@LLDABEAST @106KMEL @Q102SF 102.1

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

Show me ur triceps. No no. Thats the quadraceps. Wrong cep. Wrong cep.

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

Her: The grammar police came last night. They were looking for you

Him: Did you tell them where i were?

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

Has anyone seen the can opener? I want to play with it

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

Cmon. Lets just comb our hair and go to bed.

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

Lets go to costco and see whats on sale. Say hi to people.

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

Lets stand in front of the theater and ask for suggestions. Then go to trader joe for free coffee

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

Kites should come with a warning label. Only fun for five minutes!

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

The ufc is fighting but i dont have a tv. Just laying around watching kites.

[Andy Kindler @AndyKindler]

Here's a joke I used to do: The guy who invented Mad Libs is laughing all the way to the shoe.
https://t.co/jzJJ4gfD8s

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

People in Wheelchairs are always sitting. I guess thats better than always standing.

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

Heroes dont have to be man or animal. There once was a seed under a landmine that grew and pushed the landmine up and exposed it.

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

I want to paint a bowling ball so it looks like a basketball and leave it at random basketball courts and then...hang around.

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

If ur parachute doesnt open and u hit the ground thats as painful as u falling on top of urself.

[Exopolitical Archive @ExopoliArchive]

World leader to confirm aliens are visiting Earth by end of this year- Mirror Online https://t.co/QMBhWVMmJ5 #Disclosure #WorldDisclosureDay

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

@_RomanLeo I don't know. I don't even know how to fully use it.

[duat mai @duatmai1981]

Dreamt that I had 6 muscular arms but when I ran they weighed me down. They were a curse!!