DUSTIN ALPHA

He is risen.

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

Is it wrong to hope Kanye's still a little crazy? 2006 crazy. The sweet spot. Socially conscious, but also popped collars & bald women.

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

🙏

[BrooklynDad_Defiant!☮️ @mmpadellan]

Can Cancun just KEEP Ted Cruz?

Please?

[Keith Edwards @keithedwards]

What an indictment of our leadership.

[AJ ❄️ @Levance_]

Know the difference.

[Mark Agee @MarkAgee]

LeBron is gonna make the finals playing with the Cavs bus driver and a bunch of dudes he met on online poker chat rooms

[Robby Slowik @RobbySlowik]

Someone leaked Kanye’s drafts folder!!

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

We're blasting Kendall Jenner now? Not Pepsi, but Kendall. An adult who wears pants as a profession. It's on her tax return, "Wore pants".

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

We mourn Biggie like he had a full life ahead of him. Like he didn't wheeze audibly buttering bread.

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

It's 63° in Antarctica. Is that not proof of climate change? It's like we're in a foot race w/ China to make the polar bear a bedtime story.

[Rancho Coochiemuncha @LangstonKerman]

Change all of the "fakes" to "phony" and Donald Trump is just Holden Caulfield all grown up.

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

"First Carrie Fisher, now Debbie Reynolds? Fuck 2016." Definitely 2016's fault. Not the natural life cycle of an 84 y/o woman. Blame a year.

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

I'd follow a Beyoncé religion. No crucifixion, no sacred text. Just show up on Sundays, & bend over in shorts. Casually pick up a penny.

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

@printer44spl @AnitaHelmet how about I make you a chart of a cliff to jump off of?

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

I hope Trump does go on that "victory tour". Sincerely, I do. Meet your base. Share the same air w/ the six-toed quasimodos who elected you.

[Mark Agee @MarkAgee]

I for one think we waited far too long to start beating the shit out of clowns on sight

[BAKOON @BAKKOOONN]

zangief doing a spinning piledriver with phyllis schlafly's corpse

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

Chris Brown's entire life would change if he had one honest friend. A good influence. Someone who can pronounce "breakfasts" with ease.

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

Science makes incredible strides every day. Profound discoveries, unknown species, earth-like planets. & you just spellchecked "diarrhea".

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

Artists, your black & white "visual albums" aren't artistic, they're lazy. A willow filter on Flubber doesn't make it Schindler's list.

[DUSTIN ALPHA @dustinalpha]

If Tebow's taught me anything, it's when to crush my kid's dreams. One too many "you can do anythings" & they're 29 yrs old at a 'try out'.