E Midd

[E Midd @e_midd]

@fixation77 Rude!

[E Midd @e_midd]

I don't know that it's being "snowed in" so much as it's being "snowed out" of Target.

[E Midd @e_midd]

Do you still receive the same health benefits if you shotgun a glass of red wine a night? Asking for a friend...

[E Midd @e_midd]

“@glenna_opt: next time you are at a gallery yell out "HEY WHO ARTED" then everyone will laugh so much probably”@fixation77

[E Midd @e_midd]

“@AceMakesWords: Some people aren't good with Microsoft Office but I Excel” @brittamarie

[E Midd @e_midd]

I'm not downloading the new iOS 7 upgrade unless it comes with a barfing emoji.

[Gravity Bong Joon Ho @humblebogman]

How much for the horse tornado?
Sir, that's a carousel.
I must have it.

[E Midd @e_midd]

@brittamarie Well...?

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

So far this year I've only spent $138 at Taco Bell $585 on phone psychics and $10,749 at Starbucks looks like I'm right on track

[E Midd @e_midd]

@brittamarie Maybe highest compliment ever??!

[noog @noog]

Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."

[E Midd @e_midd]

If you're drinking a glass of wine at a baseball game, you may be in the wrong place.

[E Midd @e_midd]

@brittamarie Start billing by the hour, Sister!

[E Midd @e_midd]

Bad news. Food Network is on 24 hours a day, so now I need mushroom risotto for breakfast.

[E Midd @e_midd]

@fixation77 To Texas! Stat!

[ceej @ceejoyner]

They say no man is an island, but I know what I saw out there. Islandman is real.

[Tyler Schmall @tylerschmall]

*walks into Babies R Us*
Hi I'd like to buy a baby.
"Sir we don't-"
*I slide him a 100 dollar bill*
"This way please."

[E Midd @e_midd]

"Stop laying in bed, eating chick-fil-a and watching judge shows all day!!!" I yelled into the mirror.

[sskylark @sskylark]

you can't expect me to live my life like this. it's like asking an ice road trucker to truck across a normal road

[sskylark @sskylark]

If theres an otter, youre underwater. If a ferret you see, then on land you be.