AmberTozer

Author of SOBER STICK FIGURE - a dark and silly story about alcoholism

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

If an aggressive person calls you a pushover for having empathy say "you're right!" then push them over

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

@dirtsleep i don't see why not

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

My friend in England asked, "How's it going in America?" 

I said, "The good news is: we're taking time off from working ourselves to death. The bad news is, it's because we either in a fire, a flood, or have explosive diarrhea. Other than that it's fine.

[Boo Pipeline 👻 @BookPipeline]

NOW ANNOUNCED!

2024 Adaptation results:

- WINNER -
"180 Days" by Alfredo Botello

- RUNNER-UP -
"Sober Stick Figure" by @AmberTozer

Beyond excited to work with these two vastly talented writers and help push their projects to film or TV... 🦊

https://t.co/cU5UDgpSFX

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

@DaveBngDave Oh gawd I can not imagine

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

Was trying to be more curious than judgmental when dealing with people who upset me but I am gonna go back to straight up judging ‘em

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

@MikeKnoxComedy That’s right ❤️

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

Little animation I made with my nieces for ⁦@taylorswift13⁩ 💜

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

Little animation I made with my nieces for ⁦@taylorswift13⁩ 💜

[wint @dril]

been gaming surrounded by Black Mold for 30 yrs. so when i game in a clean room its like the training weights come off & i become full power

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

@DougieHarrower I think I have been …. Maybe they will stop later today

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

When are all the influencers gonna stop

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

Women my age keep telling me I should try hormonal replacement therapy and I am like fuck you I am gonna get fat and mean like the good Lord intended

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

For years I tortured myself trying to become rich and famous and then I realized all I needed was a dog

[ANNE LAMOTT @ANNELAMOTT]

This is the best thing in the history of life.

[wint @dril]

computer please generate 7 more godfather movies for $0 and make them all really good

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

@AshRendar82 Ah thanks for sharing 😇

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

@PeterSteinberg1 ❤️❤️❤️

[AmberTozer @AmberTozer]

@iamjakamo Ok I will work on it thank you for reaching out and reading my book ❤️

[wint @dril]

every waiter who has ever ejaculated into my food Fuck you