maria

days without eating drywall: 0

[miri @eggoslug]

the dead horse is beating me

[fei @karmicdebt]

#PourCoffeeOnYourGrandmaChallenge

[norah 🦨 @loonaonfilm]

sucking dick and cock like time and place and you did it at my birthday dinner

[🐱 @LegHvmper]

Unhand my willy this instant

[jake @wormpuller]

Putting on cologne to watch pawn stars

[Skurt Vonnegut @ThisLocalHater]

Can't wait to get really old and drive my car into the side of a Dairy Queen

[Cat 🖤 @KittyBombBee]

My vibrator died now I’m gonna have to use my gun

[dan nolan @dannolan]

I’m not dying from some fucking hentai virus

[popsee @qopsee99]

If you aren’t itchy when you leave goodwill you didn’t look around enough

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

scratching a bug bite is like evil masturbation

[roro, PhD @fuglibetty]

Bro tonight is about to be 27 accidental screenshots of my lockscreen

[bean smoothie™ @beansm00thie]

plan A is to lock in, plan B is to blow my shit smoove off

[teoni @teoniw]

Put that titty in his mouth so he could taste a #GoatsMilk

[dash @thedigitaldash_]

i wanna take the bar exam just to see what i get. no law school whatsoever like just for funsies

[misto @mistowho]

went into dominoes and said "pizza pizza" they shot me in the chest with a rifle

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

I’m not proud of it but if Forrest Gump started talking to me on a bench I’d have left

[Hollywood Deals @LocalDingus]

the mold growing in my water bottle said you would say that

[bean smoothie™ @beansm00thie]

therapist told me it'd be easier if i just blew my shit smoove off

[yoshitoshi @toshiyosh1]

eating pussy like a pitbull mauling a toddler

[crust bucket @eeeosburn]

Soft launching a poop by farting