e

[Louis Virtel @louisvirtel]

I love how Mitt Romney reappears once every three months to outshine the entire Republican Party by doing the absolute least.

[arieslibrasoup @arieslibrasoup]

a group of aries is called an anarchy

[BCFerrys @BCFerrys]

Travel advisory for the long weekend: Don’t.

[e @ellxnn]

this is the most "me" thing ever @DevinDemerse

[Lauthfee @Lauthfee]

🚨 Emergency landing of a small plane ✈ this morning around 10:00 AM, on "Highway 40" just outside of #Montreal, #Quebec, #Canada.

[Peter Shankman @petershankman]

When the #quarantine is over, I want to buy this man dinner. Who is he? This might be the best thing I've seen in weeks.

[Jennifer Baer @jenniferbaer]

Hi. I designed some coronavirus travel posters for you. Stay the F* home. Love you all.

[e @ellxnn]

@JerryBluntz thank you

[CBC News Alerts @CBCAlerts]

New Jersey man charged with 3rd-degree terrorism after allegedly coughing deliberately on a grocery clerk and telling her he had coronavirus. Governor refers to man as 'a knucklehead,' says that kind of conduct must be deterred. Charge carries sentence of up to 5 years prison.

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

MILLENIAL LIFECYCLE

0-10: problematic cartoons

10: see 3,000 people die live TV

10-20: be told we will change the world

20: graduate into recession w/ historical debt

20-30: scratch & crawl for stability

30: pandemic

30-40: scratch & crawl for stability

40: climate, bye

[John Roberts @johnrobertsFox]

My concert-pianist neighbor sent me this today:

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

Please do not take medical advice from a man who looked directly at a solar eclipse.

[The New York Times @nytimes]

We analyzed the movements of hundreds of millions of people to show why the most extensive travel restrictions in human history haven’t been enough to stop the coronavirus outbreak https://t.co/7wGK5vx0tY

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

This is the most groundbreaking Crim Pro I’ve seen since I taught it at Arkansas myself (during the late Middle Ages, after the bubonic plague and before the coronavirus).

[Kristen Brancaccio @kristensreality]

they're playing in the empty toilet paper aisle i'm scREAMING
credit to @BonnievonDuyke #ShipsGoingDown #RMSToiletPaper #covid19

[king/queen/thing @SteffanBassett]

Lady Gaga: there could be 100 people in a room

CDC: not so fast sweetie

[Joey Nolfi @joeynolfi]

Whoopi Goldberg repeating “welcome to The View” to empty audience chairs is both peak apocalypse horror and high camp.

[Yashar Ali 🐘 @yashar]

“The pasta shelves are empty. What is happening? There wasn’t this much panic when World War II started.”