Emily

a sucker for seersucker.

[Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna]

Though it takes extra effort, I clip my coupons with scallop-edge scissors to bring extra cheer to the Kohl's cashiers.

[Rachel Sobel @whinecheezits]

Nothing like a boot that comes over the knee to make you feel just the right amount of whorish. Am I right?

[Emily @emily_bread]

Never understood the goat yoga hype.

[Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa]

Remember when you would fake sick to stay home from school and then you'd get sick?

Well, a salesman came to the house this morning and I shooed him away telling him I had a baby sleeping and now my husband isn't getting any for awhile, just in case.

[MtfoxX3 @MtfoxX3]

Can we stop shaming "pronouns in bio" and start shaming bios that look like "Critical thinker, facts don't care about your feelings. I say offensive things deal with it. Searching for truth in a world gone mad."

[Emily @emily_bread]

Love an unmarked van blasting Hey Ya in a gas station parking lot.

[Emily @emily_bread]

Last night a 50 year old woman wearing a Harry Potter backpack made fun of the way I carry my purse. 🙃

[Emily @emily_bread]

Cut my 3yo off of YouTube and she's been throwing a tantrum for the last 30 minutes. I'm sure it's ruining my upstairs neighbor's sex I could hear clear 10 minutes before.

[Laurenn @laurenncarterr]

Took my dogs to take their yearly christmas photos. It’s really hard when you have one super photogenic dog and one dog having an existential crisis.

[Trixie Mattel™ @trixiemattel]

Honestly I’m ready for the gastric sleeve.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Roasts my chestnuts over your Twitter meltdown.

[Moderately Mom @moderately_mom]

If your preferred method of communication is gifs, we just became best friends.

[Emily @emily_bread]

When I'm wine drunk and my husband texts me from his night shift to ask what I cooked for dinner.

[Satan @s8n]

What are you getting me for Christmas?

[JediMasster7 @aster7_m]

‘Tis the season for fucking by the fireplace

[Emily @emily_bread]

Me: should I fix myself a whole ass meal at 3 am?
Me: yes.