Emily Ferguson

[Chelsea Handler @chelseahandler]

Happy #InternationalWomensDay, everyone. And if you didn’t know it was today, I’m sure there’s a man who’d love to correct you and tell you all about it.

[Bill Maher @billmaher]

They should at least unite the kids with their coyotes.

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

Malarkey!

[Addisu Demissie @ASDem]

I am absolutely 100% calling them the Poor Boys from now on.

[D Villella❄️🇺🇸 🦅 @dvillella]

@realDonaldTrump "I'm Lying. Believe Me."
#TrumpSlogans

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

I know this is all hard for you, @realdonaldtrump, so let me spell it out:

- Free testing
- Fee waivers
- Emergency sick leave
- Quarantines
- Cancellations
- Giving a damn

[Brother Draco @mark_gander3]

@TalbertSwan @Advil @realDonaldTrump “Someone you can bait with a tweet should not have access to the nuclear launch codes.” - Hillary Clinton

[Bryan Behar @bryanbehar]

This creepy weirdo cult leader has gone out of his way to try and incite an American race war.

But enough about Trump. Charles Manson just died.

[Emily Ferguson @emmferg]

If you didn’t binge watch close to 9 hours of Stranger Things on Halloween, you’re not a true fan #StrangerThings2

[Chelsea Handler @chelseahandler]

Happy Halloween to everyone in the White House… have fun bobbing for indictments.

[Emily Ferguson @emmferg]

It’s hard to fall asleep with creepy whisper singing outside my window in the wee hours of Halloween

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

And in one stroke, Twitter doubles the complexity of our nation's foreign policy.

[Emily Ferguson @emmferg]

There is currently Christmas music being played in the coffee shop I'm sitting in. It's September.

[Loki @ShivamParker]

The #covfefe tweet happened two hours ago and there's already an entry on Urban Dictionary. I love Internet.

[James White @Signalnoise]

I photoshopped in the kid from THE OMEN and it’s so perfect it’s unnerving.

[Chelsea Handler @chelseahandler]

You know who's not a swashbuckler? You, @realDonaldTrump you fat, ignorant, imbecile You're about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

[Chelsea Handler @chelseahandler]

Trump says his daughter has been treated ‘so unfairly’ by Nordstrom. Oh, was she detained for 19 hours when she tried to enter the store?

[Chris Hayes @chrislhayes]

I will say this: "SEE YOU IN COURT" is legit the funniest thing a President of the United States has ever tweeted.

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

The holidays are a time to be thankful for our blessings. Let's rejoice in this season & look forward with renewed hope & determination. -H

[Bernie Sanders @BernieSanders]

Democracy is not a spectator sport. Don't look around and say, "Why isn't he doing it, why isn't she doing it?" Get involved yourself.