👁👄👁

confirmed nightmare, absolute idiot.
patron saint of nonsense.

[Resko★ @Bloke_Baz]

adulthood is mostly discovering that every object in your house has a filter you were supposed to replace months ago

[yeet @chadwifeyeet]

Pope said we can make memes and still go to heaven

[Roony @Roonysters]

I’m getting the fatherly urge to abandon everything

[Lynne @_ayandamay]

And the bear sure as hell doesn’t invite his fucking friends

[Tevin @YourBudTevin]

“Fucking the text man for texts”, “Young hoes cook everything on high”, “Omg you people can’t do anything” and “We’ve extensively talked about this, you’re just 21” are the four greatest tweets ever made.

The philosophical impact cannot be understated. Socratic level thinking

[julia @juumelo_]

sorry babe no kissing rn the gc is active and I need to get a joke in before they change topics

[anirudh @AnirruptedMind]

Text me if it’s urgent, call me if it’s funny

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

they should invent an amount of sleep that is enough

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

Oh no, it looks like I’ve had a little too much to think

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

i think i am finally ready to tackle what 2025 has in store for me

[Lynne @_ayandamay]

There is a dangerous little window after I complete one task where I could either become unstoppable or look at my phone.

[ElectronicBodyMoid @EBMoid]

i’m like if a tortured artist made no art

[ashley ray @theashleyray]

white ppl did like three things right and one of them was rumours by fleetwood mac

[b!anco @whereisbbg]

But do aliens believe in me

[newbodyYeelar @_yeelar]

willy wonka sounds like a british slang for a person that masturbates

[Louise Jensen Duffy (also Ernest Jensen) @LouiseWeebe]

You’re listening to Sisyphus FM, the home of non-stop rock.

[💋 @YourFavGem__]

My favorite part about fall is when them mosquitoes go back to hell

[Nate @natey_bb]

I hate gay Halloween what do you mean you’re a masked former lesbian bar owner holding iced coffee at your interview for clown school

[Moe 🧊 @MoeKJV1611jaja]

His eyes were a striking blue, like blue Gatorade, and his cheeks were flushed, like red Gatorade. His demeanor was mysterious, yet refreshing, like yellow Gatorade. And his shirt was the hue of orange Gatorade

[Cameron @emptyflash]

*addressing the legume society* chickpeas and lentilmen,