Jampy

I was ashamed of myself when I realized that life was a costume party and I arrived with my real face - Frank Kafka

[Paps (•⩊• っ)3 @ParlyParnar]

I bet u can’t do this

[Jess Margera @jessmargera]

The fuckin president is asleep and the sec of health is ranting about teenage cum hahah why is this on the news

[Micah Erfan @micah_erfan]

Fun Fact: The war in Iran costs us more in one hour than this program costs in a year.

[Anish Moonka @anishmoonka]

Asha Sharma had never made a video game. Microsoft put her in charge of Xbox in February anyway. Her mom worked at a department store for $7 an hour. The gaming press was skeptical.

Phil Spencer, who she replaced, had been at Microsoft 38 years. His deputy Sarah Bond was the obvious heir. Satya Nadella, Microsoft’s CEO, picked Sharma instead.

Sharma grew up in Racine, Wisconsin. Her parents divorced when she was young. She took her first job at 17 and earned a business degree from the University of Minnesota in 2011.

Straight out of school she joined Microsoft in marketing. Two years later she left for Porch, a Seattle startup that helped people hire handymen and movers. She was running it as second-in-command within four years.

Facebook hired her in 2017. She spent four years running Messenger and Instagram DMs, the chat tools people use to message friends privately. Billions of users.

Instacart, the grocery delivery company, made her second-in-command in June 2021. She ran the app, deliveries, growth, and marketing. She took it public on the stock market in 2023. Her stake was worth $19 million that day.

In 2024 Microsoft hired her back to run CoreAI, the team behind Microsoft Copilot. She ran it two years before getting Xbox.

Same pattern every job: take a product used by millions or billions of people, fix the money side, make it grow. Xbox needs exactly that.

Xbox console sales fell 32% in the quarter before she walked in. The PS5 has outsold the Xbox Series X 84 million to 34 million. Last October Microsoft hiked Game Pass by 50% to $30 a month. People canceled in droves.

On April 21 she cut Game Pass Ultimate back to $23 a month, a 23% drop. PC Game Pass went from $16 to $14. The catch: new Call of Duty games no longer come to Game Pass on launch day. Players wait a year or buy the game for $70. Call of Duty on Game Pass reportedly cost Microsoft $300 million last year. The math works.

On March 5 she announced the next Xbox, codenamed Project Helix. It runs on a custom AMD chip and plays both Xbox and PC games on the same box. Test units ship to studios in 2027.

This week she renamed the whole division back to Xbox and killed the “This is an Xbox” ad campaign. The slogan had tried to claim any device streaming Xbox games was also an Xbox. Fans had been mocking it for a year.

In her first memo to staff she promised Xbox games would not be filled with cheap AI-generated content. Games stay made by humans. She also picked up a gamertag, AMRAHSAHSA, and started playing for the first time.

She still does not know games. She knows how to take a product used by a billion people and make them feel it is worth paying for. That is the bet.

[wormz @slimdisconnect]

i just need a day where everyone shuts the fuck up

[rain ⭒ ･ﾟ｡ @foundfawnn]

i carry her with me

[Micha @Merzwoke]

me if Iran kills Netanyahu

[mason @onehandpolitics]

Imagine watching these horrors and genuinely believing the US is there to help the Iranian people

[evan loves worf @esjesjesj]

He was not murdered. He was killed in a car accident and his family has asked that his death not be used for political purposes you fucking piece of shit

[Roy Drones Jr🪼 @chiweethedog]

Claiming immigrants and their children when it’s convenient and useful for you. Fucking spineless snakes.

[Juice @DustyWhoads]

Shiet throw that mf in the smoker and let's see

[diggyhole41 | 🅰️ @diggyhole41]

god i WISH there was a girl inside me

[Jampy @fermentedjam]

@girlwyrm @Doritos Why are you screaming at the chip

[buckeera @BuckeeraArt]

Seal dragon gathering reeds for her little nest 🌥️

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅ @bunnyslugs]

hi

[Jake Tivy @jakkuh_t]

.@AlveusSanctuary is truly one of the dopest projects out there. I MISSED THE STREAM but if you care about educating people about wildlife and helping endangered species - go support Alveus and @mayahiga’s dream

[Matt @ItsBlarg]

This Benadryl got me ordering 1100 lbs of slug meat off Temu

[Vaghammer 𓅃🐸🥪 @Vaghammer69420]

I'm like if a hamburger wasn't helped

[Cash @wrdonawing]

i would be so good at unenthusiastic sex