Chuck Florist

Hero. Undiscovered underwear model.Professional sock wearer.

[Chuck Florist @FunnyRandom]

"BE AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!
BE AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!"
-Married Cheerleading Squad

[Donna McCoy @Donna_McCoy]

Never letting them see you cry is easy if you just never show up.

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

Your Avi vs. You in Real Life:

[Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug]

I wish more people would block me from viewing their tweets

[Bubbles n' Booze @BubblesnBooze]

Seeing me take my nudes is like watching sausage being made. It's gross to watch but the finished product is yummy.

[Bubbles n' Booze @BubblesnBooze]

Why didn't anyone tell me the other person can see when you watch a Snapchat video twice? Now I look like some sort of goddamn weirdo.

[Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22]

Husbands: For maximum wife annoyance, be sure to put your bowls face up in the dishwasher.

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

"Where I live, they call women like that skanks."

Wow! That must've really been rough
on ya.

Anyway...that's why she BLOCKED me.

[Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer]

In hell, your pet parrot overhears your best tweet ideas and tweets them as his own.

[Jan·da·līze ☆ @Jandalize]

Makes it to the Pearly Gates. Forgets password.

[Donna McCoy @Donna_McCoy]

The mannequin challenge, but it's just me at my desk staring blankly at the computer screen.

[Mr Sarcastic @raymondh3h3]

If you're not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you're probably boring.

[Rantisms @Rantisms]

I'm eating a full size bag of tortilla chips while waiting for my food in the McDonald's drive-thru. So yeah.

[Marty @xM4rty]

I don't forgive, but I do forget like 98% of the time

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Watch “Jaws” with me. Count the times I grab you by the sleeve and squeal “this is my FAVORITE part.” This may not be fun for you.

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

Stages of Grief:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Complaining online
4. Complaining online
5. Complaining online
6. Complaining online
7. Complaining o

[Lori @loribuckmajor]

I voted for Megyn Kelly's hair #Election2016

[bananafanafofisa @lisaxy424]

Electoral maps are both handy for showing which candidate won and which states to avoid on road trips.