King Julien’s Waifu

this is a Sister Monica Joan fan account. DITCH MITCH. she/her

[m @msnetik]

If you press the right buttons on your phone they send Thai food to your house

[hersch @tittyrespecter]

i don't know how many more $12-16 transactions i have left in me

[gabby @MISERABLEN0W]

When people tell me about plastic surgeries they’re contemplating I feel like a suicide hotline operator. So distressing

[Eric Sean @g1rthapprentice]

jerking off while blowing a kazoo

[courtney @elliottsmjth]

squeak now or forever hold your cheese

[Eric @EricAgain_]

how it feels to watch reels at night after watching reels all day at work

[cabby @cabby]

who the hell paints a tunnel on a wall and how the hell was i supposed to know it wasnt real

[JT @jiratickets]

can somebody get these BEGGARS out of here

[metaphor man @shitbiscuit]

[Optimus Prime cracking his 18th beer of the night] Autobots… fuck marry kill: school bus, ambulance, fire truck

[delphine @dollydelph]

this is actually how i feel 24/7

[Brad Bain @thebradbain]

ok, sure why not

[betty @strawbetty_]

(jimmy stewart eating box) well now … wow! this is really somethin’!

[attractive wastrel @UrbaneUrban]

mychart

[Greg Fuhhels @Greg_Fuhhels]

The early bird is brutally molesting me

[aria @HUDCONH0LIC]

probably one of the funniest hr related things i’ve ever seen

[gold star for robot boy @chasedbywasps]

you have to take your shoes off when entering my house. so I can try them on

[Lancesico 🇱🇨 @Bornakang]

The strawberries in your fridge 2 days after you buy them

[bagel 🤍 @bageloverwatch]

they gotta invent a way to be unemployed but still feel like you have a purpose in life but still have a steady income

[The Art of SpongeBob @ArtofSpongeBob2]

Did you know Japan has a pink SpongeBob recolor known as 'SpongeBob LovelyPants?' Love the pastel colors!

[tooflyszn @_tooflyszn]

how do i get a higher paying job as a low functioning / useless person