Kelley P.

Thriving where enthusiasm is a personality disorder | Expat | Wine enthusiast | Navy wife (ret.) | Mom to two incredible human beings.

[OkieMaga_Patriot46 @Okie_Patriot46]

I need to make a very PUBLIC announcement on behalf of younger GenXers and older Millennials.

If you see someone in their 40s or 50s who seems a little boring now, I need you to understand something...

We already got it in.

Like...GOT. IT. IN.

We are not sitting home on a Friday night because we never knew how to have fun.
We are sitting home on a Friday night because we have seen enough.

We went to parties in houses that should have been condemned and were almost certainly owned by the local drug dealer.

We saw police lights and RAN and not across a nice, flat field.
INTO THE WOODS.

Do you understand the athleticism required to hurdle uprooted tree roots in platform shoes while simultaneously trying to keep your low-rise jeans from sliding completely off your ass?

And somehow...we never spilled the Zima. We never spilled the Boone’s Farm.

That was TALENT.

We slept on floors in strange houses because the designated driver either never showed up or, in a shocking turn of events, was drunker than everybody else.

There was no Uber, Life360 or Find My Friends.
There was just somebody named Mike saying, “I know a shortcut.”

And we FOLLOWED MIKE.

We closed down bars and then decided the night was still young, so we drove to Atlantic City, where we somehow managed to get drunk, sober up, get drunk again, sober up again and then get drunk a THIRD TIME before breakfast.

And according to our parents? We were at Michelle’s house.

Eating pizza and watching movies.

Michelle’s mother unknowingly covered for approximately 17 people every weekend. If there even was a Michelle.

We drank things called Purple Passion, Mad Dog 20/20 and whatever somebody mixed inside a giant plastic garbage can. Nobody asked what was in it. You grabbed a red Solo cup and trusted the process.

We went to clubs until the lights came on. Do you know the psychological damage of seeing a nightclub with the LIGHTS ON? Nothing good happens after those lights come on.

We danced for four straight hours in shoes that permanently altered the structure of our feet.

We made entire plans without cell phones...no texts, dropped pins or group chats...just an extremely questionable sense of direction.

We rode in cars with 11 people when the vehicle legally seated five. Someone was always sitting on someone. Someone was always in the hatchback.
And there was always one friend yelling, “DUCK!” when we passed a cop.

So yes...now we like being home.
We like sweatpants.
We like cancelling plans.
We like saying, “That sounds fun!” with absolutely no intention of attending.
We like restaurants at 5:30 because we can get a good table.
We like being home by 8:17.

And if someone texts at 9:30 PM and says, “What are you doing?”
Sleeping...we are sleeping.

Because this is not boring my friends...this is retirement.

We already played, partied and danced on the bar.
We already ran from the cops through a wooded area dressed like a Spice Girl.

We have stories that cannot be posted because there are still people with careers, marriages and reputations to protect. And thank GOD there were no camera phones.

So kids, when you look at your Gen X and older Millennial parents sitting peacefully on the couch watching Dateline at 8 PM and think:
“God, you guys are boring.”

Sweetheart...oh sweetheart.
You are looking at retired legends.

Put some respect on our names. We're probably the reason Life360 was invented.

xoxoxo (posted from someone else on FakeBook) 🤣 #genx #oldandtired

[Kelley P. @genxparker]

Rest in peace, Dolly 💔

[Dolly Parton @DollyParton]

A message from the family of Dolly Parton.

[Kelley P. @genxparker]

@FreddyLA7 Hi Freddy! This video is amazing — great job! I’m an American living in Stuttgart, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed watching your journey through my home country. Thank you for sharing — it made me feel a little less homesick.

[Out of Context Human Race @NoContextHumans]

I’ve never seen anything more accurate in my life

[CBS Evening News with Tony Dokoupil @CBSEveningNews]

A golden retriever suffering from seizures seemingly lost her spunk — until one day her owners brought home a miracle cure — a duck named Louie. @SteveHartmanCBS is On the Road.

[Bethany S. Mandel @bethanyshondark]

Absolutely outstanding. Standing ovation stuff. This is the vision. This is the voice.

[Piers Morgan @piersmorgan]

Seeing the despicably cruel, heartless and abusive way that many people in UK and US have responded to the deaths of conservative politicians, Ann Widdecombe and Lindsey Graham, reminds me that the least kind people on earth are ironically those on the #BeKind woke left.

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

Why is it ‘cancelled’ in the U.K. but ‘canceled’ in the U.S.?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

[Spencer Pratt @spencerpratt]

A lot of morons don't understand that communism IS socialism. And they lie to pretend it's not a distinction without a difference.

"Democrat Socialist" is to communists what "National Socialist" was to Nazis.

Socialism is the thin velvet glove for the iron fist.

[U.S. Soccer Men's National Team @USMNT]

Almost Heaven. 🇺🇸

[🇺🇸 The American Culturist 🇺🇸 @MericaCulture]

A German visiting Auburn, Alabama, to watch Lionel Messi and Argentina play Iceland stopped at a Buc-ee's and ate brisket sandwiches on a stack of deer feeder corn.

A sentence never before uttered in all of human history.

[Guy Benson @guypbenson]

This is Todd “Let’s Roll” Beamer, who died heroically while trying to retake United Flight 93 from Al Qaeda terrorists on 9/11. His final resting place, is in Cranbury, NJ — where he was living with his wife and children before his murder. Cranbury is located in NJ-12, where the new Democratic nominee for Congress is Adam Hamawy.

Hamawy was a close associate and translator to Omar Abdel-Rahman, aka the ‘Blind Sheikh,’ an arch terrorist convicted of masterminding multiple plots against targets in NYC — including the World Trade Center. Hamawy testified at Adbel-Rahman’s trial, as a defense witness.

It has also been reported that Hamawy traveled to Bosnia to volunteer at an organization that was later unmasked as an Al Qaeda front group.

One of Hamawy’s loudest and most high-profile supporters and endorsers has openly declared that America deserved the 9/11 attacks.

Hamawy is now the prohibitive frontrunner to represent Todd Beamer’s district in the United States Congress.

[Kelley P. @genxparker]

@megbasham @AndrewCFollett My husband and I raised our kids in Churchland. We left in 2015 and sold our house in 2021. I always had dreams of returning (we were active duty Navy), but Portsmouth turned into a a place we no longer recognize. It breaks my heart.

[Kelley P. @genxparker]

@bdomenech @SenLouiseLucas Lol! This tweet is gold!

[Jonathan Turley @JonathanTurley]

It is worth noting that the many Democratic leaders being protected last night by Secret Service agents (including the one who took a shot to his vest) are still refusing to pay them unless ICE and Border Protection are defunded...

[Kelley P. @genxparker]

@Jamie_Weinstein Doubtful. She’s too far gone.

[Kelley P. @genxparker]

@RealCandaceO Why don’t you talk to a mental health professional? It’s clearly needed.

[Kelley P. @genxparker]

@ElishaKrauss @bethanyshondark Same. I can’t wrap my brain around it.

[Senate Republicans @SenateGOP]

May God bless the Armed Forces of the United States and the long-suffering people of Iran.