#hollanov
shane, ordering at a restaurant: no butter or salt in the sauce, brown rice instead of white, steam the fish instead of grilling it, and serve the vegetables raw and undressed, please
1/2
During heat waves, Shane is DYING. He’s overstimulated, disgusted by his own sweaty skin, and one minor inconvenience away from a breakdown. Meanwhile, his husband Ilya is still attached to his hip and apparently cannot survive without cuddling on the couch
Today’s pregnant Shane Hollander thought: Shane gets pregnant with triplets and they are henceforth known as The Triad™️. They speak about The Triad™️ like they’re the mob sometimes.
“The Triad™️ is demanding pizza.”
“The Triad™️ is unhappy with your offering of celery.”
omega shane and alpha ilya officially start dating
shane is excited to do cute boyfriend things. he shares his location, his calendar, his health app, everything with ilya
what he doesn't realize is that his health app also tracks his heat cycles
so every time shane is "most fertile," ilya gets a notification
and ilya’s convinced this is shane's way of telling him he wants to have his babies
so ilya starts leaving little clues to let shane know he'd be more than happy to start their family together
ilya: shane, i've narrowed down my choices for a house in ottawa. this one has a better view, but this one is in a good school district *stares expectantly*
shane: *wrinkles his nose* obviously the first one. better resale value
ilya: *to himself* of course. shane wants our children to grow up somewhere beautiful
You know Shane Hollander takes pretend Extremely seriously. If his kids hand him a toy phone and say the prime minister is on the line he commits to the bit 100% and pretends to have a convo abt infrastructure