Hoss

hypercarnivore 🐊

[Hoss @grHoss]

Not my circus but the monkey looks familiar.

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

Nobody is as good as me at ignoring a phone when it rings.

[ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod]

Dreams are just your brain directing a movie, watching it, and talking about it to itself when you wake up.

[ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod]

Man is the only creature who refuses to accept his true nature.

[Hoss @grHoss]

Sometimes I drink to celebrate, sometimes I drink to mourn. The rest I drink because I’m an alcoholic:

[Molly🍉 @HappyHijabbi]

I just want to go back to a time where I can tell someone to take this quarter & call someone who cares.

[Molly🍉 @HappyHijabbi]

A basket of laundry a day takes your will to live away.

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

Women always notice me . . . . then they pull their purses in tight.

[Mr.Carter @dexteristwisted]

I never count favors...just make sure you got me like I got you

[ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod]

Marriage status: We now send reels to each other from opposite ends of the same couch.

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

*mentally logs out...

*forgets password

[Mr.Carter @dexteristwisted]

I'm not lazy

I just really enjoy doing absolutely nothing

[ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod]

God has a better imagination than your anxiety does.

[Mr.Carter @dexteristwisted]

Better days are coming...smile while you still have teeth

[Stu, For Real @StuForReal]

And then, one day, you all of a sudden find yourself listening to soft rock

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

I'd rather live happily ever now, than happily ever after.

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

Tupperware is great for when you want to throw your food out on a different day . . .

[Jen @SleepEatScream]

The quicker you realize that most people will disappoint you the better off you’ll be.

[Jen @SleepEatScream]

I think people are capable of change.

Just kidding, no they’re not.

[Μαρια Κιτρινη @greek_heanen]

Neither January nor February but a secret more catatonic third thing

[Μαρια Κιτρινη @greek_heanen]

For Whom the Cat Meows