your one remaining brain cell

i have never said a coherent thing in my life and you cannot make me start now (she/her)

[your one remaining brain cell @greedyfather]

@JackoTroll @GoodReddit that’s just your own personal experience. mine is different

[your one remaining brain cell @greedyfather]

I refuse to pay for twitter because i’m not a loser so I can’t edit the typo, obviously meant to say 35 oops. In my defence, law students don’t know math.

[your one remaining brain cell @greedyfather]

Absolutely insane to see in my civil law textbook that they mention Joe Biden running a task force in the 80’s??? How old is this man that he was a senator FOURTY FIVE years ago? Why is every American politician a hundred years old

[sigh ❀ swoon @sighswoon]

the honeymoon stage lasts forever if you date people who see Romance as not only a vehicle for courting, but as a medium in which to live forever

[Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc @JasonKPargin]

This meme is a joke but also life-changing advice if taken to heart

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

me: [texting] hey sorry but my powerful enemy just said “seize him” to all his underlings

boss: what time can you be here

me: i dunno man they’re seizing me like right now

boss: we’re short staffed today

me: i’m getting seized

[teryn @youngtiddy]

woah woah don’t suck off the messenger

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Bro, you're not allowed to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife anymore

[- @________0000111]

fuck baby it’s so sexy when your words align with your actions

[mia @httpsosweet]

it's take your time tuesday. you have your whole life ahead of you.

[the thicc husband & father @lukeisamazing]

HE WAS 88 YOU SICK FUCK

[pj @pjayevans]

(After laughing with a group of friends) what does everyone think we’ll laugh at next

[your one remaining brain cell @greedyfather]

@allieeejonesss @michelehemming @daanitbtlia Absolutely agree. Like, I totally agree that billionaires are not good people, but him saying “millionaires / billionaires are unethical” to defend himself for being broke is 😬😬 feels like he throws out blanket statements on morality just to sound like a good person

[Mrs Too Damn Media Literate @bobo_circus]

GUY WHO BECAME CATHOLIC 4 HOURS AGO: we should burn pope francis at the stake for heresy

[Adrian @grandeures]

can't kill myself because i'm convinced i'm gonna be really good at being 34

[emma @emma_____weaver]

YALL AFRAID TO BE CORNY BUT I WAS BORN ON THE COB!!!!!!!

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

Oh my god it's so good to see you! I was just thinking I should text you - you look great! (hugging you) (turning to your objectively unattractive friend) Wassup slime

[nick @strongerpotions]

putting these babies on and walking really really slowly on campus. and when people get irritated and pass me i just gesture at the boots and shrug

[H.A. @dirtcup_art]

doctors like hate doing their job like ur like hey im sick i have symptoms and they are like uuuuuuuUUUUHHHHggggggAAAHHHHUUUHHHHggggg

[lily @hondacrvthe3rd]

you’re kind of like if a really good day were a Person .