Elisabeth

currently being a small company with extended happy hours

[Elisabeth @greenmartinis]

People consist almost 100% of water. We're basically melons with meltdowns.

[A〽️nesia @jtancik]

I imagine Captain Nemo would have had some really great sub tweets.

[Elisabeth @greenmartinis]

Wow! You used to have so many RTs. What happened? You decided it was time to get engaged in politics? What a moron! What a loser!

[A〽️nesia @jtancik]

Be sure before you chase after someone. The difference is either winning their heart or a restraining order.

[A〽️nesia @jtancik]

Whatever you do in life, don't walk around with Dorito breath.

[A〽️nesia @jtancik]

Be honest
Be kind
Be helpful

[Jan·da·līze ☆ @Jandalize]

Joke's on you, I'm a fool every day.

[CantWaitToNap… @SheMightHave]

It's ok red flags... people ignore me, too.

[A〽️nesia @jtancik]

Praise people in public.
Confront them in private.

[A〽️nesia @jtancik]

It's funny when people tell me "Don't be sad" ... as if those are magic words.

[Darlin’ Darla @Darlainky]

I'm going to stay off my phone today and clean my house.
Narrator: She stayed off her phone for 25 minutes and cleaned off the couch to nap.

[The Deducers 🌎 @TheDeducers]

I'm starting a liquor brand called 'Responsibly'

We'll let our competitors do our marketing by encouraging everyone to drink Responsibly

[Elisabeth @greenmartinis]

@TheDeducers

[Invictus @InvictusDad]

This has been one long fucking year... already.

[The Deducers 🌎 @TheDeducers]

Me: Just livin the dream
Sandman: This is a nightmare
Me: I'm used to it

[Elisabeth @greenmartinis]

I'm not saying he's brainless, but Mr. Trump might very well be the reason why they had to write "THIS IS NOT A TOY" on large plastic bags.

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

Spicer: We're in big trouble with the Anne Frank Center

Trump: Get her on the phone.

[TITANSHOMER ™️ @TitansHomer]

"Listen to my boxing podcast" - Literally everyone on twitter!

[Penelope @penelope20mn]

*instinctively blinks hard to protect eyes

[Elisabeth @greenmartinis]

I closed the curtains and spent the afternoon lounging in my underwear. Great time! Until that bitch came bursting into my changing room.