Sass Master Halden

[Δ (alt-J) @alt_J]

We have a new album 'RELAXER'. We are really excited for you to hear it. Stream '3WW', and pre-order the album now. https://t.co/SIQ9WBbFTl

[Meninist @MeninistTweet]

sips tea

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

"When i grow up i dont want to be a dad. I dont want to be fat." - my 5 year old former son.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

I’m doing a @Reddit AMA about #ConanMexico at 11am PT. Ask me anything. https://t.co/iUaN7D5hgF

[christian hipster @ChristnHipster]

donated blood today, and it turns out my blood type is single origin ethiopian

i should drink more water

[Meninist @MeninistTweet]

The bachelor is about a man, dating multiple women at once. Primarily watched by women, who hate men who date multiple women at once.

[Meninist @MeninistTweet]

she sounds hideous

[Meninist @MeninistTweet]

I had more rushing yards than Reggie Bush last season and I can’t get over that. He had -3 rushing yards and I had 0.

me > reggie bush

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

A new meaning for baby blanket.

[Archive Coffee & Bar @archivesalem]

Valentines Day: special coffee, cocktail, beer, wine, & food menus. Highlights? Have A Heart (cocktail for two) & the return of our fondue.

[Overwatch @PlayOverwatch]

Good fortune comes to those who share.

RETWEET for a chance to win $20 in BattleNet Balance! 🐓

Official Rules: https://t.co/jFE57uyvQO

[Meninist @MeninistTweet]

her: “babe buy me a choker 😩”

me: “okay babe take your pick"

[Glum George Lucas @GlumGeorgeLucas]

Every day, I pray for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Just kidding. I can change anything.

Greedo shot first.

[Star Wars Problems @StarWarsProblms]

Guns don't kill people.

People kill people.

Unless those people are stormtroopers.

Then they don’t kill anybody.

[Arrogant BB8 @ArrogantBB8]

*could easily speak basic*

*makes everyone else learn binary*

[Meninist @MeninistTweet]

RETWEET to win a $50 Amazon Gift Card. Every RT will also donate 5 cents towards fighting mental illness #BellLetsTalk