Will Madsen

Writer, Aspiring Comedian, Recipient of the only 'Lifetime Achievement Award' ever given out by

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

I bet when Drake masturbates to porn, he can’t finish until the actress cums.

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

For those about to rock, we pollute you! - Radio

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

Did we ever sort out Y2K? Cuz I’d like to get a good night’s sleep finally.

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

Spellcheck on Sundays should just change every eight character and three character jumble of letters to Breaking Bad.

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

Breaking Bad Haiku:

Loyal To The End.

Yet Summer’s Close Drew More Tears!

Who cries for Gomie?

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

Women: I just want you to be happy = I just want you to be happy

Men: I just want you to be happy = I just want you to be happy (with me)

[Myka Fox @MykaFox]

My kitten likes to sit behind me on the toilet like we're riding a motorcycle so I'm not really looking for a boyfriend right now.

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

Urban Match ~ It’s for daters, not haters

[Adrienne @adrienneMTK]

May the road rise to meet you, may the wind always be at your back & may you never have a daughter who quotes Marilyn Monroe on social media

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

Summary of Apple’s announcement today: The iPhone still cannot give a BJ.

[Adrienne @adrienneMTK]

How many GED tests do you have to fail to be one of those women who thinks she has to take a shit but ends up giving birth in the toilet?

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

But everybody’s like duck lips, tan tits, stunting in a bathroom

Tongue out, faux pout, bikini costume

& we’ll never be selfies (selfies)

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

My Life As A Bumper Sticker:

Date Me Hate Me

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

Best First Date Idea: Cancel

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

The tax code will never be fair to a single guy until there are deductions for wooing.

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

Retiree Sext: Night nurse is asleep. My grandson brought straws. Wanna workout my new hip?

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

The shape of a woman’s hand heart is the same as her vajayjay, pretty sure.

[Will Madsen @Halloween_Bag]

Goat Cheese Burger in Paradise - Jimmy Buffett 2013

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

Rappers like acronyms and they like having sex, but still, we don't hear enough about their STDs.