Top Tweets for #whyImAwake
Several yrs ago my jaw was broken. It still causes pain every now and then.
#WhyImAwake
Me: seems like I should drink some juice to prevent a low blood glucose tonight.
Husband: yeah, probably.
Both of us: fall asleep because we’re tired and already in bed.
Me: [wakes up with low glucose two hours later....]
[face palm] #whyImAwake
Also if men are a boobs or a butt kind of dude what are women? Dad bod or ripped, scrawny or ripped, length or girth? Like what is our comparison? #whyimawake
How many people who were spanked as kids enjoy being spanked in bed? #whyimawake
Why was the Breakfast Club not called the Lunch Club?
That’s literally the meal they had. #whyImAwake
For years, we’ve had a mockingbird outside who meows at the cats. Now he has a friend; the cats and birds yell back and forth at each other. #WhyImAwake
Plants have the ability to reconstruct subway routes in a faster, more efficient way than Japan has😳😳😳😳 #whyimawake
Lying awake again....How many bottles does a new mom need? Formula? What kind? Who’s going to be my florist for the wedding? Where is this money coming from? I need to pick up over time. I’m too lazy to pick up over time. #whyimawake
Note to self: No matter how bad you want it, no ice cream after 11pm #whyimawake
My kid is actually a unicorn princess, which makes me a unicorn queen. A unieen or a quorn #whyImawake

Whoever decided smoke detectors should start beeping at 5:50 AM without a fire present should be forcefed a 9V battery. #WhyImAwake
Is it a body with a hand transplant or a hand with a body transplant?🤔 #LateNightThoughts #WhyImAwake
@iSocialFanz wish I could be of more help- I'm on other side of the river & sick as a dog or I would've offered my guest room #whyimawake
Dark Knight Rises is on. #whyimawake
1 can of monster before going bowling 1 can during bowling and then to finish it off a bowl of cereal #whyimawake
My 2 year old son is upset because we are out of febreeze & he wants to freshen up the carpet. It is 11pm. #WhyImAwake
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