Matthew

🦥

[Matthew @headingforward]

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[Sohaib Athar @ReallyVirtual]

Helicopter hovering above Abbottabad at 1AM (is a rare event).

[miles @milesdotgov]

Climbed the 10,000 steps of enlightenment to the monastery, so as to ask the wise master a question about the functioning of the universe, and he told me “focus on yourself lil bro” and then counted out fifteen racks in front of me

[cream drizzyクリームのドリップ @shrampmannne]

"Your son was drawing dragons and cool motorcycles during the Rosa Parks video so I believe you should explore options for pharmaceutical grade methamphetamine"

[Matthew @headingforward]

@sluzurb Hey my life may be turbulent but don’t call it a tailspin yet

[Joe Bernstein @Bernstein]

At a party on Saturday, I had too much wine and began making gross generalizations instead of my usual fine distinctions. I regret this behavior — it’s not who I am, and it won’t happen again.

[dennis @dennismacelroy]

I’ve killed 13 aliens in the past month and they all looked exactly like regular human beings

[dabida8️⃣7️⃣ “TONKA” @Dabida87]

I hate when talking to multiple women makes u feel like a tortured soul instead of future

[ً @ImAVeteran_]

My low commitment avoidant attachment situationship just microcheated😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[josh @joshypooper]

situationship stabbed me but the police reported it as a domestic violence incident 👀 #ouushiii #whatarewe

[Jack Subpar @SuisizeMe]

Flipping through the titles on hulu, making a point to scroll past brokeback mountain at the exact same tempo as the other films, not gayly slow or homophobicly fast

[❥ 𝑪𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒔 ❥ @tonyhawktruther]

I just found out that Obsession was actually a remake of a 2008 British film called “Wot if a bird fancied you x”

[Telemachus Brand New Day @Ferd_Turgeson]

great website

[𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕤 𝕝𝕒 𝕃𝕦𝕟𝕖 @vers_laLune]

Bitches be like would you love me if I was a worm and meanwhile I'm like would you love me if I was an inch shorter

[Rusty 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @ImSmilingRn]

Feudal lord with ocd having to open and close his drawbridge 6 times before he can sleep

[droodle @droodbug]

when she has a foidian slip and accidentally reveals something she didn’t want to

[Matthew @headingforward]

The bartender was sent by the Rothschilds to give me an extra cider and shot

[Matthew @headingforward]

There’s this guy at the bar I go to that’s a 1:1 Mamdani lookalike but he is strictly business about his drinking

[John B. Holbein @JohnHolbein1]

The websites that Americans most frequently visit.