Heather Pardi

Hawaiian shirts till i die

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

@mmaddieobrienn Yes!!! This is such a big deal in my life right now. I’ve spent 25 years with “middle part Heather” being an alter-ego/caricature of my self but now it’s suddenly what the people want?!?!

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

@MAGGnIficEnttt I know this feeling all too well. Recently I was hung up on because they were “on the other line with the FBI” and couldn’t talk.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

@MAGGnIficEnttt Staying true to form!!

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

@MadelinesRescue Felt that this week SO hard

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

Me, dating: which tie-dye shirt should I wear to impress him today?

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

@CefsCelfies @heyitsme_amb YES! “In these strange and uncertain times...” oh I’m CERTAIN I did not need to hear that from Free People trying to sell me a pair of $68 socks.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

Remember Mike? He’s back at it with Take 2...looks a lot like Take 1.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

Ahhhh gotta love the ol’ post-compliment insult.
#SmoovMoovMike

[pj @pjayevans]

imagine if peloton actually moved and you could do it outside

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

Honestly would rather be homeschooling a couple of kids than working this job right now.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

According to my Instagram research, it seems that Mercury is perpetually in retrograde.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

Two Children’s Librarians in a fight:

1: You’re putting all these books away wrong!

2: I don’t understand the system!

1: That’s not an excuse! You’re the one who puts books away the most. You need to understand!

2: It’s the kids’ fault. They screwed it up. I have a customer.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

@SANCLEMENTE145 That’s okay I’ve got enough momentum for both of us.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

Fuck It Friday in full effect!!! 🤙🏼

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

You mean to tell me it’s 12:09 and my direct deposit hasn’t hit yet?????

W. T. F.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

If Jess can do it, so can I. #fingergunsforever

[Meghan @Megpeckk]

@heatherpardi and I are destined to be a one car family 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

Why are children’s librarians all part of an exclusive “cat-ear headband/too cool for you” club? I asked where the bathroom was and was told “well iF yOuRe An aDuLt, you need to go upstairs.”

What if I had said “no, like you, I’m actually a child.” How would she have responded?

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

To this I ask, why limit your cry? Life’s about creating immersive emotional experience.
Ex: on the way to work, in the bathroom, at your desk, in front of your boss, on the side of the road, while stirring soup.
Best time to cry? All day.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

I ✨Finger Gun✨ my way to the top two, booty bump my final opponent outta the way (she crumbles bc her heels are wobbly), and then I laugh a lot and do a heel click when he proposes because he just got engaged to a homeschooler and I didn’t even wear makeup once.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

Whenever I watch The Bachelor I start to fantasize about being on the show, but like exactly 100% as myself.

For example: all the girls show up in bikinis for a group date at the beach and I’m like “...whoops” in an oversized Hawaiian shirt with my leg hair combed.

[Heather Pardi @heatherpardi]

In my head this is genuinely how it plays out: