Gary Greenberg

Co-head writer: Jimmy Kimmel Live
Author: Be Prepared (with Jeannie Hayden),
The Pop-Up Book Of Phobias, Pop-Up Book of Nightmares.
Large nose, googly eyes.

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

Creeper watching explicit sex scene on plane, w/ kids all around. (Not 2 mention shoes without socks.)
#fingerofshame

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

Working out barefoot at the gym #FINGEROFSHAME

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

I took the "Which Member Of Your Own Family Are You?" quiz, and I got "Gary". Figures.

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

Retweet if you live in a cul-de-sac!
#SacLife

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

My twitter got hacked.
Sorry for the "find a slutty girl in your area" links.
I don't know any slutty girls in your area.

[Mike Lynch @mlynchtweets]

@heresgary can't wait for the follow-up "Fifty Shades of Goy"

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

Come on, Jews. We can do better than this.

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

My daughter, describing her week at camp "Oh my god, I did water boarding almost every single day! It was so much fun!"
#CampGuantanamo

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

To counteract The Tebow Effect, the Pats just signed @PopeBenedictXVI as their back-up kicker.

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

Did you know that Susan Boyle has a Christmas cd!?! I didn't either, until my in-laws played it 14 times last weekend.

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

I found a new slogan for Gloria Allred!

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

Dear guys in the limo next to us blaring hardcore porn on a huge flat screen, thanks for teaching my kid all about anal beads.

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

Either Peter Dinklage is a little person, or they gave him a HUGE Emmy

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

Mel Gibson to play Jewish hero Judah Maccabee. This is proof that Jews do not run Hollywood.

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

When someone tells me they've battled The Big C, I always assume they mean Chewbacca.

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

Pitching a new reality show to Bravo:
America's Next Top Bottom

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

I don’t eat twizzlers, because deep in my heart I suspect they are actually unicorn penises.

[Gary Greenberg @heresgary]

#KimmelBieberDuet
Cross-Eyed Possum Love