Better Off Shaun of the Ted

Expert BLT maker.

[Better Off Shaun of the Ted @hifi_jack]

I’ve put a typo into literally every tweet I’ve ever written. Autocorrect either causes it or abandons me. Reviewing the tweet before posting is a lesson in futility, in raging against the gods. An edit button can’t save me. Nothing can save me.

[Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer]

None! #PenisRippedOffByPenisGnomes

[cumweiser @cumweiser]

i've never been in a situation i haven't at least thought about making a joke in

[nightmare on elm street hater @street_Hater]

A beautiful woman seated behind me on the bus looks over my shoulder and playfully asks “What’s on your phone?” just as I enter “PENIS” as my first Wordle guess and get all gray letters

[Better Off Shaun of the Ted @hifi_jack]

I think LARPer as an evolution of “poser” is kind of fun but it does make me wonder if there can be a LARPing LARPer. Probably not, they’re a very accepting community tbh

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

I’m a sympath. I can see you crying and be like yikes

[YK @Yannaralas]

did i like jesus in the bible as jesus?

[Better Off Shaun of the Ted @hifi_jack]

@ILOVECUNNINGHAM Judge Dredd

[Better Off Shaun of the Ted @hifi_jack]

@jimbobrays_ Miami = Grand Bend is inspired

[dolo @doloyeung]

Me: Bring out the waitress who called me a gamer freak yesterday. I want her to apologize again

Long John Silver's manager: Sir, she's not back there

Tutorial voice in my head: Close one eye to enable pirate vision. By enabling pirate vision you can see scallywags through walls

[no earthquake (cut his fingers) @no_earthquake]

THE GODS: Ithaca is in your sights. Go home
ODYSSEUS: I can't, Sir. I'm Woke!
ME (watching in IMAX 70mm): He's woke! He wont do it!

[cants @cantseyy]

I'd have died that day too

[broti gupta @BrotiGupta]

they could admit they're carrying them for summer too. i really don't mind

[Better Off Shaun of the Ted @hifi_jack]

@kristapley Us Dunkirk glazers have gotta stick together

[Better Off Shaun of the Ted @hifi_jack]

@OnlyManWhoCan @indianloonie I called it the “We Need to Talk About Kevin” scene

[Integrity Guy @Integrity_Freak]

It's starting. #TheHappening #MenAreCuttingTheirPenisesOff #NoPenis2026 #IndianaManChallenge

[zero @zegro_]

10 original sentences left

[turbomander (TWITCH AFFILIATE ERA) @turbomander]

when i found out my 2008 ford ranger was one of them transformers first thing i did was put a towel over the hood and drove that sumbitch through the car wash. he started hollerin' about some allsparks and i said no sir, i ain't interested in no alternative fuel i'm a diesel man