HodgeHaus

Designer, writer and extreme couch potato.

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

Being an adult is just saying, "I should probably take care of this while I'm here" over and over again.

[Laura Marie @lmegordon]

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time.

[The Inebriated Misfit @TheSpotter8]

Moving is a great way to discover you hate everything you own.

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

I haven’t been to the movies in years. Is popcorn still $25?

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

Like Craigslist Missed Connections, but it’s just me trying to get updates on cute babies I met at the grocery store.

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

I choose to be vegan because I prefer my meals made possible through human suffering exclusively.

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

My new best friend is the girl who’s texting me replacement options while shopping for my groceries.

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

Not to brag, but you’ve got to get up pretty early to beat my Mothers Day disappointment.

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

@BrennanMichaelP @DayBump @all_tweet_calls @KKAlwaysSays @manda_tee1 @Cycloptomese @goodowens @BrokenDollMcGee That should work, right? I must be the sloppiest cook in the world because the bottom of my oven looks like I think it’s an incinerator.

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

@BrokenDollMcGee @DayBump @all_tweet_calls @KKAlwaysSays @BrennanMichaelP @manda_tee1 @Cycloptomese @goodowens A glass dish exploded inside mine. Since I’d never been in there it was pretty inspiring for all of a minute before I fully understood why I never get my security deposit back.

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

“Cleaning yourself up in the Zoom video preview” is the new “doing your makeup on the drive to work.”

[Christy @CheeseDaydreams]

Do people who are sad know about puppies, because now you're way too busy cleaning up messes to be sad

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

Me: The Virgin Mary was a regular grown up but she had a very special, powerful child.

4-Year-Old: Like Baby Jack-Jack?

Me: Yes, exactly.

[HodgeHaus @hodgehaus]

This webcam really brings out the purple in my complexion.

[Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal]

wife: you know, loss of taste is a symptom

me: is this about my shirt?

[Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal]

Dear coworkers, I'm not disabling my laptop camera so *you* can't see me, I'm disabling it so *I* can't see me.

[Nonchalant Charlotte @jellybnbonanza]

I just turned off the buzzer on my dryer cause I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life right now.