hunter ward

here to have a bad time

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

As soon as people learn that I moved to New England from Arkansas, they’re like wow I bet you’re cold and I’m like haha you bet I am.

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

I will not do any of that

[Marshalls @_marshalls_hq]

@hunterdward Thank you for contacting our customer service. In response to your query, can you provide more details about your request? Kindly share your complaint, full names, email address, and phone number.

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

@Timodc Taking some big Ls in the chat my dude

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

@HunterBiden @TheStefanSmith It’s gotta bum Elon out that this is one of the best posts on his app

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

You caught them. Mom and Dad were going to sell bibles and cell phones, golden sneakers, and NFTs, Chinese watches and cologne but wouldn’t you know someone beat them to the punch. They were left with only one choice write two books like every former First Lady and President has done in modern history.

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

Figuring out a way to listen to Korn as a 9 year old in the late 90s was so much fun and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise

[Charles (Dynasty Ain’t Over) @cpenn4thewin]

I’m really trying to figure out what’s so legendary about her career so far

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

They should have made 100 Ace Ventura movies

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

@_marshalls_hq I’m sorry Marhalls HQ I’m not a snitch

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

My local @Marshalls pitched the TJX credit card to my 3 year-old. Not a joke. Just what happened

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

@marshalls I’m sorry Marshalls I’m not a snitch

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

The arc of my feelings toward @getnickwright is so good. I was mostly indifferent on Nick, sometimes even a hater, but then he was great on the Adam Friedland Show and now calling out Stephen A for whatever this weird thing he’s doing now. Hand up, I was wrong.

[nick wright @getnickwright]

I’ve never seen someone’s defense be simply repeating the exact behavior they’re being criticized for.

“I KNOW (waves hands) THINGS ABOUT YOU, TOO! I won’t say them and they’re total figments of my imagination… but I KNOW THINGS! I’ll leave it at that!”

10 out of 10. No notes.

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

Brb need to go find my son

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

The most critical factor of which movie you like better is if you take antidepressants.

As a Lexapro guy, I loved them both.

[Lon Harris @Lons]

PROJECT HAIL MARY is ARRIVAL for Disney Adults.

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

Listening to my 3-year-old negotiate with his mom at bath time to watch Ace Ventura tonight is making me emotional.

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

Textbook perfect response to a long-form article with a dozen corroborated sources about you being a reckless drunk

[FBI Director Kash Patel @FBIDirectorKash]

Memo to the fake news - the only time I’ll ever actually be concerned about the hit piece lies you write about me will be when you stop. Keep talking, it means I’m doing exactly what I should be doing. And no amount of BS you write will ever deter this FBI from making America safe again and taking down the criminals you love.

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

I love how the replies are full of basic questions and United’s response to all of them is basically “IDK! 😎”

[United Airlines @united]

The entire row is alllllll yours.

Welcome to United Relax Row, three adjacent United Economy seats with adjustable leg rests that can each be raised or lowered to create a cozy lie-flat space for stretching out...

You'll also get a mattress pad, blanket and two pillows. If you’re traveling with kids, a plushie too! United Relax Row will be available starting next year on more than 200 of our 787s and 777s, each with up to 12 of these brand-new rows.

https://t.co/bzHodhQ5Y8

[Ken Layne @KenLayne]

The great Jim Downey, with this Epstein bit from 2 years ago that gets better by the day:

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

Hey @pizzahut, this is Ben Volin. He’s a well-known hater of good and fun things. Please issue a lifetime ban on behalf of all #hutlovers

[Ben Volin @BenVolin]

10 years ago Tom Brady only ate spirulina and avocado ice cream and called soda “poison for kids.” Now he’s doing commercials for Pizza Hut

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

That’s right, I’ve got grok on the ropes now

[hunter ward @hunterdward]

@RpsAgainstTrump @grok @grok turn Jeffrey Epstein’s best friend into a clown