hailey virgin.

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

girls will see a picture of themselves from the lowest moment of their life and be like “omg I was so skinny…”

[Audrey Kaufman @KaufmanAudrey]

I’m kind of a NIMBY in that when I see someone sitting in a parked car on a residential street I’m like you better be buying or selling drugs because otherwise you’re a fucking weirdo. Either support the local economy or get the fuck out of my neighborhood.

[LJ 🦧 @crotchner2]

all the mom spaces are rallying around not saying the “c word” in front of their kids and i was like yeah duh i try not to say the word cunt in front children either but it turns out they were meaning “careful” again

[Alyssa 🌻 @alyssaleann]

I’ll grant that I’m not much of a shopper, but I don’t think I’ve even once regretted a thoughtful splurge

They invariably become my favorite things: the fancy loungewear, the expensive everyday dishes, and the cutesy toilet paper holder were all wins!

Know your taste, know your finances, take your time. A recipe for delight

[hailey virgin. @hvirgin17]

@littlebayschool I’m perming & dying my eyelashes right now before my c-section on Wednesday 💋

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

why would this car behind me just honk at me cause i hit a curb like what does that have to do with you

[Patches 🔜 MP, Furpoc @RABBITPATCHES]

this dirty soda trend is the nastiest shit ever like are you seriously drinking Sprite Milk

[god’s baby @sincere_worm]

i would never argue with a vegan because they’re making the morally correct decision and i’m not. i don’t have any truly sound way to counter their perspective from a moral standpoint. so i just practice cognitive dissonance and eat my beef and pork and keep my mouth shut.

[James @JamesNotJamie1]

If something happened to my plane while i was seated in an exit row i would NOT help anyone. I saw how you all behaved in the airport. Also im on a lot of benzos. Im going down the slide first then faking an injury to ride in an ambulance then getting ice cream and suing everyone

[Lu for Alaska @luinalaska]

If you don’t intuitively understand why I won’t force my kids to hug any adult they’ve said they don’t want to hug you legit can’t be around my grandkids. Don’t come over. If that makes you uncomfortable that’s your problem not mine. Stop touching kids who said no.

[Kid Riles @kid_riles]

I doth protest.
Wisconsin is not the drunkest state in the country.
It is the state that drinks the most.
Big difference.
Drop 5 random beer drinking guys from another state, have them go toe to toe with a woman’s bowling team.
Game over.
Ladies are just warming up.✌️

Cheers 🍻

[Lydia Kauppi @lydiakauppi]

I want the dumbest house possible. My fridge should not have WiFi. My dryer should not be a computer. My lightbulbs will never be controlled from my phone. We spent so long thing about whether we could, we didn’t stop to think about whether we should

[David Kleckner @dkleckner]

@SamKuffelWx Wisconsin version of the Waffle House Index, my brother reporting even the bars are closed where he's at.

[hailey virgin. @hvirgin17]

@littleapostate I didn’t even want my own mom to visit or be present at the hospital with my first (covid helped with that lol) ..my 2nd is due in June & I can’t wait to have someone bring my son to visit after his brother is born. There is no right answer & nothing you choose is evil!

[love drops @lovedropx]

Man no one even remembers laptop in bed. It was laptop in bed for years. Now it's just phone in bed. Maybe tablet. But usually phone. So much has changed.

[cheesie @cheddarplums]

explaining the twilight baseball scene to my older coworker and him visibly putting his face in his hands when i say "well, vampires can only play baseball during a thunderstorm because—"

[Ocho Drinko @ochodrinko85]

Went to see some live jazz last night, which was pretty good. The issue was this monstrosity of a cocktail they served me. How is the waitress going to watch me order this drink off of the cocktail menu, tell me it’s an excellent choice, and NOT warn me that it’s going to be served inside of a massive ceramic fucking parrot? Typically I’m fully content to unabashedly order a fruity drink; cosmos, peach schnapps, coconut rum, a little purple flower garnish on top - you name it, I’ll get it. Totally shameless. You’re going to judge me? That’s fine, enjoy your piss-flavored Negroni. But this is where I draw the line. I do not want to pay 22 bucks to drink out of a side character from the movie “Rio”. The patrons at the tables near us didn’t even try to suppress their giggles as this thing made it over to us. The waiter dropped it off and whispered “better drink it before it flies away!”. Do I look like some sort of clown to you? I’m paying copious amounts of money to watch a man play the saxophone and you’re serving cocktails from the poolside bar of a carnival cruise, I’m in no mood for jokes. There’s a high probability that I was captured mid-sip in an Instagram story from the girl sitting adjacent to us with the caption “only in New York 😝”. The worst part? It was downright delicious, and I had 3 of them. Would recommend.

[The Wolf Man @iTheWolfman]

She completely shocked, worthy opponent 😂

[Christina Garnett @ThatChristinaG]

Losing an hour of time/sleep on International Women's Day feels like the most on brand thing this world has to offer.