UnbotheredMama

I Basically signed up to be a human napkin.

[SpacedMom @copymama]

The joy of coming up with another way to procrastinate.

[L(assitude) @lmwortho]

Stop putting warning labels on things, let evolution take its natural course.

[Darla @ddsmidt]

I remember a time when people got hooked on a feeling not a notification.

[Scary Mommy @ScaryMommy]

We need to just love our kids for who they are and stop putting unnecessary labels on them. They don’t need to be the sports’ kid, the smart kid, or the social kid. Kindness is the only label our kids really need.

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

All I want for Christmas is YOU.

-me talking to cake.

[Deborah Vance Stan Account♡ @UZOtheGOON]

Wait a damn minute! Sinbad never played a genie? Like never....? Are we sure because I remember him playing one

[E @_bonitaevita]

I’m ready to gooooo 😫

[majesti 💜 @imyourMajesti]

Had. A. Moment. But. It. Came. &Went.

[Sam G @ItsSamG]

Hello sir, I’ll have one alcohol please

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

Mother dresses child for the snow.

Child undresses in the snow.

Child catches a cold.

Cold turns into the plague.

Child recovers from the plague.

Mother catches the plague.

Mother dies but keeps doing chores.

[yeah ok @poutinesmoothie]

That's exactly what someone trying to hide a dinosaur would say.

[I gotta work again? Thats ghetto 🥴 @huncho_d23]

Sheesh that was straight gas

[Cardiff Brothers @jakecardiff401]

I spend way too much time on my fucking iPhone

[Cydni Beer @cydbeer]

Me “Hey would you change our daughter’s diaper so I can get to her to bed.”

Husband “I already changed her diaper and I already put her to bed.”

Me “What?! You want sex.”

Husband “It was just the right thing to do.”

Me “You want sex.”

Husband “I want sex.”

[cathryn 💚🇨🇦 @AngryRaccoon2]

Remember as a kid you had that friend who had a parent who was always in bed and you always wondered what the hell was wrong with them?

I am now that parent.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

If your answer to “should I keep this?” isn't an immediate yes, then it's an unequivocal no. I brought the trash bags.

[Scary Mommy @ScaryMommy]

Don’t ask me if I need help when it’s obvious I do. Just fold some laundry, pick up a kid, hire a housekeeper, whatever— I’m not picky.