Alene Gibson

Once they see you're doing better without them, that's when they want you back.

[Thea Vergara @DzhumabinadV8]

That awkward moment when you see a 10 year old child with a better phone than yours.

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

First time I noticed inflation was when beer prices changed everywhere.

[Judith Snow @sass841]

If practice makes perfect. And no ones perfect, what's the point of practice?

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

Most accidents are caused by people who drive in 1st gear while their minds are in neutral.

[Nanci Hebert @FlorentinSuper]

I know kung-fu, taekwondo, and 34 other dangerous words.

[Helen Camp @pdobryashchev]

8 year old kids today have Facebook, twitter, phones, iPod. When i was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

I just flew in from New York. Shame, your arms must be tired.

[Sheila Kitchens @lzaleshchenok]

Admit it. None of us know how to play Minesweeper. We just click randoms boxes.

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

My best friend and I can do anything or nothing and still have the best time together.

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

When I'm ignoring a phone call, my phone seems to ring way longer than usual...

[Lena Savage @Sigalkina76W]

You claim you are a "bad bitch" but you have no house, no car, and no job you're not a bad bitch you're doing bad, bitch.

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

Ain't no HOE worth losing your WIFE, & Ain't no BEEF worth losing your LIFE!

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

If my wife ends an argument with "Fine, do what you want!" I'm pretty sure the words "If you do, I'll stab you in your sleep" are implied.

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

When I was born, I was so shocked I didn't talk for a year and a half.

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

"Dad, was there colored TV when you were a kid?"

[Alene Gibson @iberliz1]

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

[Victoria Kite @zaytunya]

Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!