dirty socks

down to clown

[brian @brianonhere]

couple of years ago i went back to a woman’s place from the bar & was confronted with one of the most insane pieces of wall art i’ve ever seen. just dug up the pic again and it’s even bigger than i remember. believe it or not this is not what convinced me to start drinking less

[️️️ @cnnr333]

Took vyvanse and just stood there wiping down the stove and drooling for 30 minutes

[Brook World @quadspawning]

getting shot while wearing these but i transfer my consciousness to a tiny little person in the car right before the bullet destroys my brain and I drive off to safety

[I eat short people @UnderwearStain]

Farted so hard at work it blew my office cubicle to pieces and killed my boss and 3 coworkers

[I eat short people @UnderwearStain]

Farted so hard while driving it blew the entire undercarriage of my car off so now i have to flinstones this bitch

[🜃 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔘𝔫𝔠𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔫 ⟁ @TheUnclean]

Tongue twister

[SPANE 🇪🇸 @SperrysandNikes]

Always say yes to a quick 30 minute beer with your friends because that hour and a half could be the best 6 hours of your life

[shanifest it @lieslvondutch]

My dad just tried to order me a drink and goes “she’ll have an adderall spritz”

[alexa @alexadoingstuff]

Was getting a little flustered thinking I overcooked the potatoes and my bf goes “potatoes are very forgiving” and it was just so powerful I hope everyone can one day experience the forgiveness of a potato

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

treat your weird daughter in law with this

[trin @glooomiii]

and when i am six feet under and bugs are eating my heart…all they will taste is you

[josh @joshypooper]

how many calories are in love

[jesse @crazyshovellady]

tonight we lettin the feline talk

[Christian Zhivago 😈⚖️ @RealCFZ]

Freddy making him do 6 7.

[ash @ashissnotonfire]

the type of vape ur coworker pulls out when u ask for a hit

[c @cokebeyc]

this is how i see myself from a third person pov in every situation

[latke @latkedelrey]

when snooki said Why is everyone acting weird towards me…. i felt that