Jalen

Don't fuck up with me

[Jalen @jalenkando]

2 AM: I'm a great driver
3 AM: Is that a ghost or a plastic bag?
4 AM: starts questioning all life choices
5 AM: singing loudly to stay awake like a full concert
Night driving schedule: 90% singing, 10% wondering if I'm hallucinating

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@RealRodLacroix Summer immunity EXPIRED

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@RealRodLacroix Just tell your bank account it was a cultural exchange program

[Jalen @jalenkando]

Me: Did you bring enough for the whole class?
Laven : "No, but I brought a rock shaped like a triangle and a single soggy goldfish cracker. Should we split it?

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@causticbob We didn't have 'recalculating'... we had 'pulling into a gas station to buy a soda we didn't want just to ask for directions.

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@RealRodLacroix So what you’re saying is, I’m the sacrificial lamb of the long week

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@RealRodLacroix Evacuation drill or dinner drill? Same same for kids

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@RealRodLacroix You're not old, you're vintage and slightly glitchy ..Happy birthday 🎁

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@RealRodLacroix This cookie is like '...are you gonna eat me or just take pictures for 20 minutes?

[Jalen @jalenkando]

Proof that I have a favorite child. Kidding... mayb

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@NotTodayEric Agreed. 24 hours isn't enough time to do nothing and then feel guilty about it🤓

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@NotTodayEric Have you SEEN grocery prices lately?

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@deloisivete Yeah it's me. I thought the brushes were gonna eat me

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@jokerlebnan ما كنت هناك

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@NotTodayEric I have informed my family that I told a woman to calm down. Funeral is on Saturday. You're invited

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@metickleu Tomorrow-me has anger issues because of me

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@RealRodLacroix Not in the headspace for this

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@RealRodLacroix The bugs really make sure we earn that cardio

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@Cqtheresa The universe hit Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V on last Monday.

[Jalen @jalenkando]

@HighlyIngenious Ambitious. Elon wants to go to Mars, you want to go to Mozzare