James Hirtle

Too clever, but only by one quarter. He/him/his

[James Hirtle @jameshirtle]

Seal has all of the silk shirts and none of the buttons.

[Artists of Colour @artistsofcolour]

JAMESTOWN, 1887, Edward Mitchell Bannister, 1887 #blackarthistory

[James Hirtle @jameshirtle]

@unclered86 "Metamucil in a dirty glass" really sums up my forties so far.

[James Hirtle @jameshirtle]

Bartender: "what can I get you?"
Me: "Metamucil, and make it a double."

[James Hirtle @jameshirtle]

@mental_floss I will only need one.

[Cassie @Cassiesmyth]

Anxiety tip: Next time you cringe over some embarrassing moment you had years ago try to remember other people's embarrassing moments. You can’t can you? That’s because you’re the only embarrassing human to exist, everyone else is always thinking about how cringey you are.

[James Hirtle @jameshirtle]

@stsimpson22 Gotta travel a bit for the best stuff, like Chris Jerk in Scarborough. But Chubby's downtown or Cool Runnings in the Beaches (depending on where you are)

[Ms Good Good @triniliciousd]

Has Covid-19 forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time? You may be entitled to condensation.

[Akilah Green @akilahgreen]

I no longer get up to investigate strange noises. It’s whatever.

[Carlos Aguilar @Carlos_Film]

My fall plans The Delta variant

[James Hirtle @jameshirtle]

@stsimpson22 When the fans said the team needed a hand with pitching... this is not what we meant.

[jason concepcion @netw3rk]

every dad has two jobs: supporting his family and researching world war II

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

Chris Davis announces his retirement, where he will join his bat which retired in 2018.

[Kathryn VanArendonk @kvanaren]

we should get triples of bob odenkirk. triples is safe. triples is best.

[Ben Acker @bnacker]

The 321 Contact theme made promises that the show couldn’t possibly deliver

https://t.co/HqAFj0rwHd

[James Hirtle @jameshirtle]

You gotta admire seagulls sometimes. If I was given only one pure white suit to wear everyday of my life, you'd better believe it would be 100% sauce stained.

[James Hirtle @jameshirtle]

@pourmecoffee *two.

[James Hirtle @jameshirtle]

@pourmecoffee I've learned to adapt the sideways motorcycle wave. Sometimes to fingers, with a curt nod and a soft crinkle of the eyes to offset the directness.