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I shared this before, but I love this story about my wife:
She became a Christian in college, but didn’t know much about church. So at her first Easter service, when people would say the traditional greeting of “He is risen!” she’d respond with an enthusiastic “Heck yeah, baby!”
A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam...
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct, leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why last night Teresa kept shouting "Oh, my God!"
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
“Old” Is When...
Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”
“Old” Is When...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
“Old” Is When...
A sexy babe catches your fancy, and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
“Old” Is When...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
“Old” Is When...
You’re cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
“Old” Is When...
“Getting a little action” means you don’t need to take any fiber today.
“Old” Is When...
“Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
“Old” Is When...
An “all-nighter” means not getting up to go to the bathroom.
“I trusted in Him not just in the good, but in the bad [this season]. I understand that suffering is good for us, as followers of Jesus. I’m taking that into my next route in [pastoral] ministry - Just leading people by example, as a servant, like Jesus was.”
- High Point Guard Chase Johnston after their loss vs Arkansas
Johnston was wearing a “Jesus Wins” shirt too 👏
The year is 2028, and the United States has elected its first female — and first Jewish — president, Sarah Rosenberg.
A few weeks after the election, she calls her mother. “Mom, I assume you’ll be coming to my inauguration?”
“I don’t think so,” her mother replies. “It’s a ten-hour drive, your father isn’t as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up.”
“Don’t worry,” Sarah says, “I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up, a limo to take you home, and you’ll have a custom-made gown by the best designer in New York.”
Her mother hesitates. “Honey, you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like.”
“Mom,” Sarah says, “the entire affair will be kosher, handled by the best caterer in New York. I really want you there.”
Reluctantly, Mom agrees.
On January 20, 2029, Sarah Rosenberg is sworn in as President. In the front row, her mother leans over to the senator next to her and says proudly:
“You see that woman with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?”
The senator nods.
Her mother says, “Her brother is a doctor.”