Jonathan Stiffler

A man walked into his house and was delighted when he discovered that someone had stolen all of his lamps. 🍞 & 🌹

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

Hard

[The New York Times @nytimes]

Killer Mike was arrested at the Grammys on Sunday in connection with a physical altercation. The police confirmed the arrest after a video posted on social media showed the rapper in handcuffs shortly after winning three awards. https://t.co/NZXZTNB7J9

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

@EdwardsOhio Jarmo better have literal coals up his ass by now. There’s no way I want him developing Fantilli and crew. I think Day can be forgiven with a UofM win next year. Holtmann, unfortunately it’s a “what have you done for me lately?” situation

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

“Shai hulussy” - @RBeezyfosheezy

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

The popcorn bucket for ‘DUNE 2’.

(via: @3CFilmss)

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

But I already took a shit on my tv. Who is going to pay for this?? My girlfriend is leaving me

[FanDuel Sports Network Help @FanDuelSN_Help]

It’s been a tough week for the fans. We heard your feedback and worked to institute a few app updates in time for the NBA and NHL seasons. As you know, we encountered some issues we did not anticipate. “We’re sorry” is not enough, and we acknowledge this. 🧵

[FanDuel Sports Network Help @FanDuelSN_Help]

We are starting to see some devices come back online. Please stand by as we continue to fix the issue.

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

DOG SHIT, DOG SHIT, DOG SHIT

[FanDuel Sports Network Help @FanDuelSN_Help]

We have been notified there is a streaming issue with the app. The operations team is working to resolve this as quickly as we can to get you back in the game. We will update you when service has been restored.

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

Bally continues to be dog shit.

[FanDuel Sports Network Help @FanDuelSN_Help]

Our service provider experienced a widespread outage that impacted multiple partners. As it comes back online, signing in to Bally Sports will be impacted. We are currently working with our service provider on resolving this issue. We apologize and thank you for your patience.

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

A preemptive ‘eat shit’ to @BallySportsCBUS for this upcoming #CBJ season. I know your shit isn’t gonna work right. It took me 17 attempts to login this morning to log into your ‘app’.

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

@Aportzline Hey porty. Not sure how to reach out other than this. I’d love to see if we were a match. I’d love to say I did something useful in this world. I hope you see this, brother.

[Rua M. Williams @FractalEcho]

This is not an email I ever expected to receive or send.

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

STOP STOP STOP PLEASE LET ME GO! PLEASE LET ME GO FIRST, IM DOING SOMETHING!

55 BURGERS
55 FRIES
55 TACOS
55 PIES
55 COKES
100 TATER TOTS
100 PIZZAS
100 TENDERS
100 MEATBALLS
100 COFFEES
55 WINGS
55 SHAKES
55 PANCAKES
55 PASTAS
55 PEPPERS
AND 155 TATERS

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

Phil Kassel will fill the Stanley Cup with hotdogs.

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

It’s Friday, then

[McNeil @REFLOG18]

#NHLdraftlottery

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

@11W blaze it

[The Hard Times @REALpunknews]

5 Sexual Positions That Don’t Matter Because You’re on Antidepressants
https://t.co/HZHIStR9hY

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

Hey Farva, what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?

[Genius Of Lunch @ConorHaloReach]

Found a Tim Robinson sketch that I haven’t seen anywhere else and it’s funny as fuck

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

@LukeShoMeMo if we end up with Derek Carr, I’m gonna drive off a bridge

[Jonathan Stiffler @jdstiffler]

@SannyDamet Dude never leave Japan, I have been thoroughly living vicariously through you and your food recently.