Aaron Jelley

I don't have nearly as many pillows as I'd like, but otherwise things are cool.

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

Bought a fire extinguisher today, and now I'm leaving the stove unattended and lighting candles near curtains, 'cause LET'S DO THIS

[molly~ @utopianstoop]

I keep getting lint stuck in my back rolls and that, among other things, is not what I envisioned for this year

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

CHRISTCHURCH OCTOBER 17

Comedy for the astute and unhinged.

https://t.co/gdguQTsQw4

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

If New Zealand gets rid of all its immigrants all we'll have left is a bunch of shitty birds that can't even fly, so think it through dicks

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

Got my girlfriend to name my new Skyrim character.

Welcome to Tamriel, Cunny McNeil.

[b. @bwebster76]

What is going on with chicken faces? The things on their face what is going on there?

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

So we DRINK coffee, but we COUGH drinkees?? Okay, buddy.

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

Don't even TALK to me before I've had my morning coffee! Or after. And please no eye contact.

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

The storage shelves for my tennis gear scam are so noisy the sound guy can't set up for the @tacobell CEO's hypothetical show, "Bodybuilders of Prague"

I guess I'm sayin my racket-racket rack racket is wrecking the tech check for the tex-mex executive's speculative Czech flexing

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

Let's get a mic technique workshop for the announcer at the bus exchange. Playin my eardrums like John Bonham ova heeeeaaaa

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

Dear @bbcdoctorwho

Your title is too confusing. It should be called Doctor Time Guy, and she goes, I'm the Doctor, and they go, Doctor Who?, and she smiles and nods and says I'm Doctor Time Guy.

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

I like Reader Rabbit's early stuff, from the 90s. When it was all about the READING.

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

My buddy wrote up my Indian yogurt demands for backstage at my Nicholas Cage motorcycle skeleton man show.

He's my Ghost Rider raita rider writer.

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

I was so busy searching for my butt plug for so long, until I finally realised, it was inside me all along.

Inside my butt.

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

What if my way IS the highway????

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

@DaveBesley Neither, I just fell off a log, for the first time in aaaaaages

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

You know what's the best thing about being a woman?

IT'S THE PREROGATIVE TO HAVE A LI'L FUN, YEAH!

[The Onion @TheOnion]

To see more unmatched reporting, visit https://t.co/csf5QUbhed.

[Aaron Jelley @JelleyTips]

Pu0ovj0vo0000

[ittookmybread @ittookmybread]

I see yer ma's autobiography got published 👍